I would not think that this would ever be possible in my entire life. But then I met my gay friend. He does not fit the stereotype: he wears mom jeans with pleats, I think! He acts very low key and not like what you see the stereotype as. I have never had a gay friend before.

What I have fallen in love with is that he acts like a human being and displays emotion. He is emotionally available - and very kind to me and others. He asks how I am feeling and picks up on how I am feeling in an intuitive way. I can feel all of this.

Some men may seem like they are fun to be around, but are actually very guarded with their emotions and put on a show. And I can feel this. Its not attractive to me. They seem vastly more unattainable than a gay man, you know?

But he is certainly not an angel, and I like that, too.

He just makes me feel, is all. And I really love him.

I had some questions, though. Is he more in touch with his emotions because he has been a minority his whole life? Does this make him more sympathetic to other people? Or is he somehow more in touch with how a woman feels? If so, why? I think that I met his b-f, and I could not ascribe the traditional m-f labels to either one because it felt like an improper way to look at their relationship. It seems simplistic that the traditional rubric m-f label should work in a gay relationship. Or does it?

Also, I was wondering whether there is there any such thing as true bisexuality wrt. gay men? A recent study said 'no.'

Can any gay men share their thoughts?

...The one that breaks the hearts of gay men, but is in fact straight as hell.

Thruout my life, a bafflingly large number of people have assumed I was gay--especially gay men. And, at least here in podunk Vermont, I seem to set off gaydar like a tornado siren.

I am in fact rabidly, irrevocably, heterosexual. (And at age 46 I'm not showing any inclination otherwise.) But I'm also one of those straight men that just enjoys the company of women, usually moreso than the company of men. (I have noo interest in football or hunting or going to Hooters, say.) Apparently, that's the final nail in the coffin for my notional gayness: that I *actually like women.* (Which in and of itself should require some sort of commentary...)

I'm sure that any number of women I have rejected or broken up with consoled themselves with the thought "well, he's probably queer anyway..." My only point being that it is perhaps *ever so slightly possible* that some of the heartbreaker "gay" men everybody's reminicing about were in fact...straight?

Juust a thought.

;-)

Carry on!

Andrew

I met him when he was the directing of our community version of "Joseph & the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat." I played Potiphar's wife - the whore and he was better at seducing Joseph than I was. He was good-looking, funny, sarcastic, and intelligent. Now I think he was in his "I'm a Christian so I can't be gay" stage. He was an art teacher in our small straight and narrow Indiana town and would have been lynched if he came out. One of my guy friends said to me once “HELL-O ‘art teacher’ OF COURSE HE WAS GAY.” Even Grandma knew. I asked her once "Grandma, did you know Nick was gay?" She replied "First time you ever brought him to my house."

How was it that Grandma knew & I didn't?

Then he directed me in "Meet me in St. Louis." I was a single, divorced mom and both of my children were in the show as well. He was wonderful with my children, patient and kind. We all went to church together on Sundays. He worked with mentally retarded adults and he & I were chaperones at the dances they held for them. We were in breakfast-freaking-optimists together. Everyone thought we were the perfect couple.

I've never seen so much theatre in my life. We saw Marie Osmond in Sound of Music. Friday nights we'd do group movie dates with the group - mostly, other "I'm in denial" gay guys and the fag hag girls they hung out with. It was Nick who defined the term "fag hag" for me. Honestly, I'd never heard the term before. Later, I realized that I was a fag hag. Me!

Seven months I dated that guy and not once did he try to get his tongue into my mouth…I don’t even know if he had a tongue or something else for that matter. Now days, I’d say if a man isn’t trying to stick his tongue or something else into you by at least the third date…he is probably gay.

The whole experience is funny to me now in an interesting sort of way. Now I can chime into the conversation at dinner parties (or post a letter on Salon) & say “Oh yeah, I dated a gay guy. It was depressing - all of the group dates, the way I would have to ask for a hug after having a rough week at work, the time we shared the camper and we made up a bed for what I thought was us, only to learn that bed was for me and the bed he made up by himself was for him to sleep in by himself. He bought great jewelry and one of my guy friends told me "that is what gay guys do - you don't have sex, but you get great jewelry." I remember the time he sent flowers to the office and signed the card "Love, Nick" & how I was overjoyed and one of my co-workers said "of course he is going to sign it ‘Love, Nick,’ how long have the two of you been dating? How is he supposed to sign it ‘Your Friend?" I thought to myself "You have no idea."

I still wear the diamond and garnet pendent and the huge garnet earrings and think of him. I hope he gets to come out someday - at least to himself or his wonderful mother.

Whosyergurl.