Letters to the Editor
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Sweet Delusions
Yeah, I live in God's Country, but I'm sure not going to tell everyone where it is (or it would quickly cease to be "God's Country"). That's not why I'm writing. I just want to know how any place with a) mosquitos or b) traffic jams qualifies.
Maybe instead of a "brag" discussion, it would be more useful to discuss what everyone thinks it entails.
Just to start the ball rolling, my ideal is year-round moderate weather, verdant and/or bucolic surroundings, minimal human-predatory insects, and clean air. And good, or at least adequate, health care. Because we are mortals, after all, and spectacular vistas won't do us much good in the event of a heart attack or stroke or food poisoning. Is this setting the bar too high?
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Vermont, of course!
Nonsense. Everybody knows that Vermont is God's country -- and we have soaring property prices to prove it!
Vermont, after all, has the Green Mountains, the Long Trail, breathtaking autumns (currently in progress), the best skiing, whitewater kayaking, sailing, snowboarding and snowshoeing, maple everything -- in Vermont, one tree in four is a maple, and we've got plenty of trees! -- moose, deer, bear, skunks (our top urban, or at least village, mammal, probably outnumbering dogs and cats), and History! We've got fossilized coral reefs, even.
And we've got Bernie Sanders, Howard Dean (occasionally), and Fred Tuttle. (Well, Fred's gone to God, but then, God's a Vermonter, so what's the difference?)
It being autumn, we've now got chicken pie suppers and apple picking. A white Christmas is a given. And come March, we've got Town Meeting, one of the last vestiges of what made America great to begin with: neighbor to neighbor, deciding together how to govern ourselves and what to spend our money on.
I've seen the country, and a good part of the world. Give me Vermont.
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It's New Jersey, Bitches!
You ever try to get a decent slice of pizza in Montana or Alaska? Or bracciole or good prociutto? Please. Sure you can get that stuff in Philly or Brooklyn, but we got the shore, too. Montanna? Alaska? Vermont? Fuggedaboutit! You want trees and all that nature shit, go to Warinanco Park - they got nice bocce courts there, too. But you want some nice salische? You gotta come to Jersey, bitches.
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Hell yes it's Vermont
but please don't move here. We want it all to ourselves.
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"God's" country
I'm an atheist, but if there was a God, and he wasn't drinking beer in God's Country, he'd be hunkered down in ... Ely, Minnesota. The reason is, nothing much changes in the woods around here. At least not yet. The lake is the same blue/green/brown/grey serene/windy violent/calm structure year after year. The old cabin stands, never leaks, never breaks a window even. The sauna perches on the edge of the lake, ready to heat us all to a burning sweaty hellfire. A tree falls here and there, but the rest just grow and stand straight. There are new droppings in the woods each night. The rocks and grounds shift slightly. Perhaps the water is getting a little more polluted. The snake in this paradise comes from fertilizer, leaking septic tanks and boat motors. One year there might be a mini-flood. Maybe/certainly the weather is changing due to global warming. But from our tiny view, people die, children are born, people break bones on the cabin stairs, people's ashes are distributed in the lake, and another generation takes over. Almost a hundred years now. And the lake and trees and cabin remain the same, unlike most anything else. Time will tell whether "god" has forsaken even this place.
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God May Have Have The North...
But gods' country and goddesses' country is in the bloodshot sea of Greece, above the blue hole Atlantis fell into, at the top of white cliffs, at a little rickety black table, beneath a certain huge green and silver plane tree, with Zephyros's breeze in your hair, and Dionysos's piney taste of resina on your tongue, and Artemis's content in your heart... Santorini. Kale Spera!
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Re: Sweet delusions
"my ideal is year-round moderate weather, verdant and/or bucolic surroundings, minimal human-predatory insects, and clean air. And good, or at least adequate, health care. Because we are mortals, after all, and spectacular vistas won't do us much good in the event of a heart attack or stroke or food poisoning. Is this setting the bar too high?"
No. You are obviously describing Victoria, British Columbia.
1. Moderate weather - warm enough to play golf in January, cool enough to wear a jacket in July.
2. Bucolic surroundings - some of the largest evergreen trees on earth
3. Minimal insects - Not only do you not need an air conditioner in Victoria, you don't need screens on your windows - it is too cool in the evenings
4. Adequate health care - it's Canada. Never get a medical bill, ever.