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• Friday, April 21, 2006 08:10 PM

  Children as teenagers

  I'm the mother of a 19 year old daughter. So in response to pxtot who wondered about how much fun it is to have a teenager, I can respond that it had moments - very brief moments - of wishing I could ship her off to a different planet for a few years/decades. Otherwise it was considerably more fun, entertaining, educational, inspiring and otherwise all around good times than even having a small child which was endlessly entertaining.

  Her father and I split up when she was not quite 4 and another man came into my life a few years later and has been her father figure ever since, though her father is still a part of her life too. My current partner loves my daughter as if she were his own and she adores him. With few exceptions she always went on vacation with us, to dinner with us and participated in many adult activities with us. She was always a delight to have around, both as a young child and as a teen. Maybe I just got really lucky but her presence and that of her friends was always a pleasure. Maybe because I raised her in a small town without a lot of the icky distractions that kids can find in a big city. We weren't far from a big city and all of her grandparents, whom she visited regularly, were big city folk, so she wasn't deprived. And my partner and I were never deprived of adult activities when we wanted or needed them.

  Now she's "all growed up" and in college 2000 miles away and we talk regularly and honestly and I feel accomplished and successful both in my career and as a mother. Having a child was an incredibly satisfying and fulfilling experience and the sacrifices I made were worth every single second. And even though until I was thirty three I didn't want kids, I am delighted I changed my mind. I thank God/dess every day that I was inspired to invite her into my life. I can't imagine my life without her. I think some of that is biological - our attachment to our children is both emotional and genetic. The biological part doesn't guarantee that we will be good parents but it lays the foundation for trying.

  But would I recommend it to someone who didn't want to do it? I would say think about it carefully - it's not a year, or 5 years or even 18 years. It's a lifelong commitment. It does change your life and it does require sacrifice. On the other hand, when you're 45 and you wish you had not excluded that experience, you are left with few choices.

  —Karelle Read Karelle's other letters
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