A couple comments I just read seem to be a little too anxious about being single.

I enjoy it. Granted, I enjoy being with someone slightly more, but there's nothing wrong with being alone. I like taking a book or a notebook to a restaurant, having a good meal, drinking what I like and ordering up whatever suits me. Going out for drinks with friends from work after hours and not having to explain it to anyone. Watching whatever movies I like without worrying whether they'll scare my partner or something.

What's not to like? So, Valentine's day targets couples...okay, Christmas targets Christians. Do I begrudge them that? Nah. I like having V-day with someone, and It's fine without too.

I guess all this rambling gets down to the one question: what's the big deal?

T

The point of the thread is pretty much that it's fine, and often fun, to be single.

As for the Valentine's Day rant, that's a joke. I know, because I wrote for it for my friends two years ago, and posted it on the thread because it's funny.

On the thread itself, I actually later noted that my issue is with the commercialization of love - my mom buys me Valentine's gifts every year, and I always send her a card, and I send cards to my niece and nephew. But the unrelenting shoving of a Hallmark holiday down everyone's throats is kind of sad.

When I've been in relationships, I didn't feel the need to have one special day that was all about love, particular because the modern concept of Valentine's day seems to be overpriced gifts and empty sentiment. Small things at times when I don't expect anything will always mean more than someone giving me roses on February 14.

As with everything, there are pros and cons about being single. I been married, I've been in long term relationships, I've dated, and I've been on my own. At the end of the day, although I get lonesome, it's still better to be by myself than in a relationship that isn't working for him or me.

And I agree on Valentine's Day: a day when everyone who doesn't have a partner or a date is supposed to feel like crap is not worth having on the calendar. I don't like feeling obligated to buy a card on a certain date just like I don't like buying presents just because it Xmas. It feels fake.

I wish I could combine all the best qualities of the three long term male partners I've had and come up with Mr. Right. I'm far from flawless, but each of those LTRs have ended for good reasons and there was no other way but to move forward as hard as that is. I don't hate any of the three, they each hold a place in my heart and my memory and I haven't given up on men just yet.

There is an excellent book that I stumbled across last year: "Flying Solo" by Carol A. Anderson & Susan Steward (W.W. Norton, 1994). Straight women share their interesting stories. These women all enjoy male companionship but they also enjoy their lives when they are single. I highly recommend it.

It is better to be lonely than to want to be alone... (or something like that)

Oh, shut up about Valentine's Day, you losers. If you really felt single life was so great, you wouldn't begrudge a celebration of couplehood. Once a year, for chrissakes? That's your big complaint? You people have issues.

Mostly because I hate prescribed holidays that tell me when I should do what. The best days are always the ones that come out of nowhere, unexpected, when the sky is blue and the mood is great and things go wonderfully, and I'm happy to be alive, and happy to be married.

Think I can PREDICT when those will fall? Not bloody likely. They're a gift from the universe, from the gods, from whatever. They happen when they happen.

Valentine's day at our house is for the kids... the ones with all those little paper valentines from school. Not for rushing around, trying to get reservations at an overcrowded restaurant, trying to get a babysitter... fugettaboutit. Or buying lame overpriced cards because Hallmark says we're supposed to.

Don't think for a minute that all "coupled" people are making a big deal out of Valentine's day. We're not.

It does seem that there is a lot of resentment being portrayed in the messages in this feature. I also think that there is a great deal of cynicism being displayed in the really petty little "benefits" of being alone like having everything for yourself or being in absolute control of every little thing like the movies you watch.

Honestly, in a good relationship, all the "compromises" that everyone complains about don't happen or don't matter. You can watch what you want. No one eats or drinks everything in the house. You don't have to obsessively "check in" with your mate all the time. These are cliches that it seems people who are single defend their choice with.

There's nothing wrong with being single but there is something wrong with being bitter and defensive about it and justifying it by trying to hang a whole lot of stereotypical views and notions onto relationships. If you're truly satisfied with how your life is, you don't have to deride someone else's life to make it appear more attractive to others.

As for Valentine's Day, as with any other holiday you don't care to observe, just ignore it and let those who want to enjoy them have their day. That's what I do with the 4th of July, St. Patrick's Day, and New Year's as I'm pretty indifferent to them.

http://www.nomarriage.com/

Shari sounds like one of those people who has never been alone or is deathly afraid of it.

Petty little benefits, like:

When there's a mess, it's your mess. You make it, you clean it up. You never have to clean up somebody else's mess.

You never have to worry about or deal with someone letting you down and taking no responsibility for bills, expenses, rudeness to other people, appointments, social commitments, parties you're hosting.

You don't have to take your partner off your car insurance and take away or hide the keys when he's wrecked it.

No one can ruin your credit but you.

No one can invite his lowlife friends to live with you and never make them to leave when you find out they're stealing from you. Even the police won't help with this one - they'll tell you, "Talk to your husband."

You want to truly appreciate being alone? Divorce an alcoholic.