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• Wednesday, June 18, 2008 10:17 PM

  Weak talk from supposed pro oil people

  All these pansy-assed supposed pro-oil people don't have any guts. Drill for more oil? When it will take decades for all the discovery and new infrastructure development?

  And what's this bleating about oil as a stopgap while we develop alternative energy sources? Who let the hippies in?

  Weak.

  The only real solution to our oil crisis is more oil, and more oil now. Period.

  In order to achieve this goal, we need to create more oil out of the raw materials from which it's made. And what is the largest source of hydrocarbons? Living things.

  The easiest way to round up living things is to get them to volunteer. So I say that we embark on a balls-out campaign to recruit people for the oil renewal project. We'll gather them together, feed everyone a lot of pizza or something, and then shove them into massive, high temperature, high pressure catalytic converters.

  We'll need some technological advance here, but it will be easier I'm sure than that hippie crap with solar power and wind and hippie nuclear whatever. Screw that.

  We'll gather up house pets, too, and throw in whatever timber we can spare, which is pretty much all of it. And, you know, to make the hippies happy we can use lawn clippings and maybe recycle some bottles or some crap.

  But the important thing is to understand that, in the absence of any more dinosaurs to throw on the pile, we've got ourselves. That's about it.

  So get cracking, people! Your nation calls. No sacrifice can be too great.

  —Amity Read Amity's other letters
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