"The Splurge."

I know the right-wing slant on this is "hey, it's your money," but if that were true, why am I getting as much back as Bill Gates?

Maybe we're taking baby steps towards being Social Democrats. Except we'll need a new and very different name for that, too...

The "Hey-at-least-you-can't-say-we-didn't-do-anything" stimulus package.

or

The "Hey-at-least-we-didn't-suggest-you-just-sit-there-and-eat-cake" stimulus package.

when what we really needed a defibrillator.

the "exxon's profits disapoint" plan

So, with inspiration from the Spiritual Science Research Foundation website, I'm going to go with The 25%-proportion-of-happiness-in-the-second-region-of-hell-exemplified-by-"pleasant-memories-of-wealth-in-the-worldly-transactions" plan

It works in so many ways. The Economic Spending Surge...

Apparently with this administration, when something isn't working out the way you planned, that means you need to double down. You're idea couldn't possibly have been ill-advised in the first place; the peons just aren't working hard enough to implement it. We just aren't spending enough!

Kind of like Stalin blaming the slow progress of his 5-year plan on the "wealthy peasants." Plunder them and leave them to starve.

Not every taxpayer is getting a stimulus check. The payments start to phase out at $75K and end at $87K. If your AGI is above $87K, you don't get a thing. Oh, and at the other end of the spectrum, if you earned less than $3K you're in the same boat as Bill Gates: you get nothing.

Howsabout the Too-Little-Too-Late-Election-Year-Band-Aid Plan?

It's a bit wordy, perhaps, but I think it's got a certain ring of truth to it.

- The "Republican Re-election Stimulus Plan" (a.k.a. the "Bribe The Taxpayers" plan)

- The "What's A Few Billion More Dollars in Debt?" plan

- The "Bread And Circuses ... Well, Just Bread" plan

- The "Credit Card Company Bonanza Act of 2008" (since that's who's going to pocket most of it)

- The "Too Little, Too Late Stimulus Plan"

- The "Spend our Grandchildren's Money" plan

We'll both be getting bupkus in our mailboxes. Not that I really care about the "Halliburton-ExxonMobil War Profiteering Dividend Check" anyway - let's just get our overall economy working again so we all don't end up having to move back into our mother's basements!

A few more years like this one, and we'll be paying zero income taxes (just government usage fees) and starving and collecting rags to sell (like Russian women in the 1980s). And Dickens will be suddenly very familiar.

The "Saving My Legacy" Plan

The "Covering My A$$" Plan

The "Sorry about the last eight years" plan

The "Helping McCain's Election" plan

"Economic Simulation Checks instead of Heathcare and Employment from W." Act

It has the advantage of having the acryonym ESCHEW.

Just call it "The Big Bribe."

If Dubya can spent $3 trillion on a needless war, why not spread around a few billion to make taxpayers forget about it for a few days.

"Barely Delaying the Great Inevitable American Econo-Douche"

(remember Schumpeter's definition of douche)

The "please don't fire my entire party" plan.

The "I'll give you $600 if you tell the next pollster who asks that you approve of my job performance" plan.

Because the government now lets all persons in the nation share the tax benefits previously limited to high income earners.

If the economy is going to be helped in any way by this silly scheme, people have to spend the checks. The question is whether they will save, splurge or spend moderately:

http://digits.hrblock.com/ssDigits/digits.php?rType=1&sPath=1988&sNode=1988&uId=291

Just picture the White House, as the economy goes down, down, down insisting "The Splurge is working!"

They'll say "Give General Bernanke six months and he'll make a report to Congress about any further need for injections."

Then General Bernanke will ask for six more months, then six more months, then...

Get behind your President, America! The Splurge is working!!

... the "Here's some beer money to have a beer with me" plan?