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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
Yesterday, I was at O'Hare. Well past the document check point, a TSA guy attending the space between the "prep tables" for my line and the one adjacent was calling out "Have your boarding pass in your hand", over and over. I dutifully dug it out and juggled it as I readied my shoes, computer, baggie, etc. As I stepped through the metal detector and attempted to show my boarding pass to the attendant, he said, "We don't need that here." Lounging against a podium five feet away was another TSA agent who appeared to be a supervisor of some sort. We could ALL hear the guy STILL calling out to everyone to "have your boarding pass in your hand."
My bro-in-law came through LAX the week before where AS HE STEPPED THROUGH the metal detector, his boarding pass was demanded. No announcement had been made ahead of time. Everyone in his "lane" had to scramble among the bags to retrieve their boarding passes. I had been through LAX for the same flight in May without having to do this, and indeed, the O'Hare thing yesterday was the only time in the 10 flights I have taken since May where a boarding pass at the metal detector SEEMED to be required.
And shoes: SFO - shoes must be in a separate bin. Louisville - "no need to use up so many bins, just put your baggie with your shoes." My gel inserts went through yesterday, but then those shoes were packed inside my carry-on.
After 9 flights with my Kindle reader passing through inside my bag, the O'Hare checkpoint was not satisfied -- they sent my bag through 2 more times, first pulling out my headphones, then the reader ("there appears to be a hard drive somewhere...").
It's these inconsistencies that expose the arbitrary and personal nature of the whole ridiculous enterprise.
On the other hand (referring to the "airlines putting up with this"), the nexus of charging for checked bags and the baggie-enforced weight limit of liquids and gels would seem to be saving the airlines a bundle in fuel costs.
TSA is wasting time and money on me. They always pull me over for a time-consuming check of every inch of my body by magnetic wand and detailed pat-down. I'm an old man, a retired Naval officer, well into my 70s, with a metallic hip. The security check could be done effectively in seconds, but it usually takes a good 15-20 minutes (at Dulles)...glass-enclosed waiting cubicle before being taken several feet away to the station where they go over you. Ridiculous! A more sensible procedure would be for them to look at my Navy ID, my hip replacement card issued by the orthopedic surgeon, and a quick pat of the hip that sets off the wand.
Surprisingly, millions of passengers carry deadly weapons on flights every week, without the least bit of scrutiny by security screeners.
The deadly weapon most commonly found on these would-be secret muslim al Qaeda terrorists: 22ยข Bic Stic pen. Dear lord, they sell these harbingers of death and destruction for $1.37 a dozen!
I thought that this was an urban legend until talking CQB to some instructors at USAJFKSWCS (similar information was provided by instructors at Quantico). There's five or six ways that an unmodified Bic pen can be used to quickly kill or incapacitate, and a couple more, if you have a rubber band. Seriously.
They are pretending to do their job in the manner of minor bureaucrats everywhere. They do not have the power to make the pilot's life easier but they do have the power to make it more difficult by blindly following rules they don't understand. I believe their lives are so limited that they have ceased comprehending those lives. Sartre used the term "empty" to describe them.
As to the safety issue, we will never be safe so long as we persist in a foreign policy that leaves us occupying foreign lands and torturing people. We will never be safe so long as we are the werewolves of the world. We need to focus on what we are doing and on repairing our approach. We will go on being divided and dividing them. The hassles the writer experienced are a symptom of a disorder caused by our current incompetent administration. Some airport safety people trying to pretend to be competent are just symptoms of a greater malaise.
I read this and was bowled over. Congrats, Shannonr, on a brilliant post. I'll memorize it for my next trip through TSA corridors.
""Take this seriously!" bellowed the overweight TSA stormtrooper as I smiled mildly at nothing in particular, my mind far away as she brandished her metal detector at my crotch.
"I'm sorry, that's not my job," I responded.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" she bellowed in that way that only the underpaid and over-uniformed do when the charade that maintains their "authority" threatens to come crashing down.
"I said it isn't my job, taking it seriously. Taking it seriously is YOUR job. My job is simply to stand here and try to forget that this gratuitous waste of my time and my money is happening. My blood pressure. You understand." I delivered all of this in a calm, soft voice that she had to lean closer to hear.
"You're JOKING!" she said. "Joking is not allowed!"
"No, sadly, I'm neither joking," I responded, "nor have I threatened you, wasted your time, or otherwise interfered with your duties. I merely smiled." I smiled again.
"Now, you certainly have it in your power to waste more of my time," I continued, "you can make me miss my flight. You can physically and mentally degrade me further than you already have. But if you do any of that because I smiled at nothing what does that make you? I think that kind of deliberate evil goes a long way beyond doing your job, don't you?"
She stood silently enraged for several seconds, replaying what I'd said in her mind. Then she nodded, and then jerked her head, indicating that I should leave.
I left.
Once upon a time a man suggested that people stop a war by "walking in, singing a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out". He was right, in a way.
Maybe we can end this madness by smiling."
Thanks for that.
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