- Top Features:
- War Room
- Glenn Greenwald
- Broadsheet
- Joan Walsh
- Camille Paglia
- Since You Asked
- Follow Salon:
Read other letters about this article
A new bill before Congress mandates that all passengers and flight personnel will have to fly completely naked, wearing ball gags and padded mittens on their hands and feet, and be shackled into their seats. They will be hooded and fitted with electrodes on their genitalia and tongues for their safety.
Senator Obama has reluctantly announced his support for this measure, but promises that as President he will use his new powers to electrocute all airline passengers at the push of a button sparingly, and with responsibility. "It's an unfortunate necessity in this terror-filled world", he said at a recent press conference, "but you can trust me."
A few radical left-wingers from the ACLU tried to protest at the conference, screaming something incomprehensible about some imaginary document called "the comstitution". They were quickly subdued by helpful Homeland Security officers and flown to an unspecified location to help the government in their investigation of world-wide Terror.
Obama supporters were quick to denounce the leftists as extremists who failed to understand that the important thing was to elect Obama as President no matter what.
