Letters to the Editor
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saw the new multi-million dollar scanning passenger equipment
at Newark, and people were STILL taking off their shoes! Seriously, does this seems like the height of inefficiency and stupidity: spending tons of money (our money by the way) on some new piece of technology, and change absolutely NOTHING in terms of user experience? Actually, as the new machines take longer than an old fashion metal detector, on the whole it's slower!
I can see the kind of voyeuristic pleasure of waiting for security at the airport, but I actually find myself getting really angry as I wait. Not at the TSA people, but the whole system we are in: a pointless war abroad, wasting all this money (military AND security-wise), and taking out my toothpaste and hair gel in hopes of foiling a plot that never was operational, still can't be done, and all of it as part of a big lie that we are safer.
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I'll take European security any day
Many moons ago, back in the early 90s, I was a college kid flying home to the US via Amsterdam airport after several months doing the drifty backpack thing. When I went to check in for my flight I was confronted, for the first time, with that list of questions about "did you pack this...has anyone touched it but you...etc"
And I responded in a disaffected, "yeah, sure I guess", college kid kind of way, and it's entirely possible I was also hungover, I don't exactly remember. And the desk agent broke off her questioning and demanded that I go sit down, perhaps rest myself a bit, and then come back when I was prepared to take these questions seriously. I was immediately shocked into attention.
It was like the scales fell from my eyes and I realized that ok, wow, this is when you have a choice to get home or star in a new version of Midnight Express. And I wasn't mad, or affronted, I just realized very clearly that being a dumb hungover college kid wouldn't protect me from the consequences of being an idiot in a serious situation. After I went through the questions a bit more focused, and got to take a special trip down to baggage to open my suitcase and prove that my hairdryer was in fact a hairdryer, I got to go home. And I've never felt safer on a plane in my life, before or since.
Compare that to just earlier this month, flying domestically for business, when my ticket won the random special inspection lottery. I walked over to where the security lady told me to go, where there seemed to be alot of agents very busy talking about where the new staff lounge would be, and I tried to get someone's attention, but couldn't, until I finally waved down a security agent on his way to stack some bins who told me "look, you're good to go...go on".
Which was fine until I went to board my plane and had not received the extra special stamp saying I had completed the special search, and they had to page someone to come do it, and hold up the plane, and the person who came spent most of her time grilling me for the descriptions of the agents who had ignored me going through security.
In my experience, Europeans take the safety of flights and of passengers seriously. They are seriously committed to keeping terrorism out of the sky. The TSA, on the other hand, seems seriously committed to adhering to confusing, byzantine pre-flight rituals which may or may not make the skies safer, but will ensure that everyone's butt is covered should something go wrong.
One makes me feel safe. The other just irritated.
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I just keep wishing
that I had copious amounts of stock in companies that make the products confiscated and replaced every day at security checks at airports, never mind the plastic baggies.
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When might a pilot's gun be used?
Can anyone think of any plausible scenario in which a pilot's gun might possibly be of use? (Not considering crowd control after an emergency landing in a remote area.)
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Haggis in a can
So my favorite screening experience came last summer on the way home from Scotland. As a bit of a joke for some friends, we bought a few cans of haggis to bring back with us.
I had the haggis in a checked bag from Scotland to the States, but as a result of the screening when re-entering the US, I wound up with the bag in hand and back in line to go through the metal detectors at Newark Intl. so we could make our connection back home (why that process winds up with you outside of the secure portion of the airport is beyond me).
So... the TSA guy screening the bag comes across the haggis, pulls a can out and asks me what it is. I tell him it's a can of haggis. "Haggis," he says, "what is haggis?" So I give him a brief explanation... oatmeal, meat, etc. He calls over another TSA guy and asks him if he's heard of haggis. The second guy looks a little confused, turns to me and says "What's haggis?". I re-explain and they are clearly puzzled.
After a minute or so of staring at each other, the first guy asks me if it's a liquid or not. So, I think... well, it's certainly got some liquid in it, but I don't think I'd classify it as a liquid per-se. How much liquid does something have to contain to count as a liquid proper? I don't want to say no if even a small amount of liquid means that it's a liquid to them - who know's where that might lead? But, what the heck... I tell them again what I said in the first place - it's oatmeal and meat, it's not a liquid. The guy puts the can back, says "OK then - liquids are bad, but canned food is OK." He wishes me a good day and I am through security.
So, you can't carry four ounces of water or a can of shaving cream onto a plane but, if you bring a can of something mysterious and tell them that it's a non-liquid, all is well with the TSA. How absurd is that?