The pilot writes: "Planes do not jettison fuel except during emergencies."

I was on a flight in which our wing-lift thingies were stuck. We could not climb above a certain altitude, and we had to turn back. Instead of jettisoning fuel, though, the plane circled for 4 hours with its landing gear down. Boy was that fun! Finally we landed, with several fire engines and other emergency vehicles racing alongside us till we stopped safely.

So... Why didn't we jettison the fuel?

Also, how many others have been in scary situations like this? I've been through at least 3 are-we-going-to-die plane flights. In another one, an entire engine suddenly shot noisy, "foom"-ing flames out the back for several seconds before dying, at which point all the lights went out and the pilot made a dramatic turn back toward our departure point.

Why do I get the feeling this happens a lot more than we hear about in the news? Are airlines required to publicize the number of near-miss scenarios that occur, and if so, where is such information available?

Here is my dumb question:

When I was traveling in Peru I went around the country mostly by bus. The movie showing on all the 4 buses (and different bus companies were involved) were airplane disaster movies. One was "Alive", one was some really bad movie set in Alaska with Charlton Heston, and the other one I forget. So, is there a conspiracy amongst Peruvian bus companies to show movies like these to discourage people from flying?

There is also a Russian movie titled "Air Crew" that involves an Aeroflot airliner on approach right when an earthquake destroys the runways. The special effects aren't the greatest; it's more of a "character development" movie. But it might be worth checking out.

The first time I wrote a letter to response to something on the internets, I realized that the medium while allowing instaneous response also didn't encourage much reflection and review. That aspect of cyberspace clearly needs to be learned by many. Yes airplanes and their pressure make you fart more and thank you Patrick for your disgression in not taking that one any further. I suppose inquring minds are a good thing but some questions are not worthy of an answer.

Titles of forthcoming movies, based on letters to Ask the Pilot:

1. Large Zoo-Type Animals on a Plane

2. German-Austrian Neurological Issues on a Plane

3. Fighter Jets on a Plane

4. 3:10 to Houston or Perhaps Mexico City

5. Where Are the Dog Hairs of Yesteryear

6. The Hundredth Monkey Phenomenon

7. Bollocks on a Plane

8. Fuck the Airlines

9. From Vizag to Dum Dum

10. The Wingspan of Angels

I really want to know the answer to the dog-hair-falling-off-the-luggage question. My cats would appreciate an answer too, because if I don't get an explanation I'm rubbing them all over my nylon bags as an experiment the next time I fly.

would that be an African swallow or an European swallow?

In the "Earthquake" movie, the pilot firewalls the throttles and takes off again, just as the Jetsons-esque LAX restaurant collapses.

Geez, why do I still remember that!?

I thought sure you were going to include at least one of my letters! Guess I'm out of the dog house after all.

Can't you answer at least some of them? I confess I'm working on the dog-hair one myself. I'm thinking the hair can be found on every other suitcase in the hold.

What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?