What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Can't you answer at least some of them? I confess I'm working on the dog-hair one myself. I'm thinking the hair can be found on every other suitcase in the hold.

I thought sure you were going to include at least one of my letters! Guess I'm out of the dog house after all.

In the "Earthquake" movie, the pilot firewalls the throttles and takes off again, just as the Jetsons-esque LAX restaurant collapses.

Geez, why do I still remember that!?

would that be an African swallow or an European swallow?

I really want to know the answer to the dog-hair-falling-off-the-luggage question. My cats would appreciate an answer too, because if I don't get an explanation I'm rubbing them all over my nylon bags as an experiment the next time I fly.

Titles of forthcoming movies, based on letters to Ask the Pilot:

1. Large Zoo-Type Animals on a Plane

2. German-Austrian Neurological Issues on a Plane

3. Fighter Jets on a Plane

4. 3:10 to Houston or Perhaps Mexico City

5. Where Are the Dog Hairs of Yesteryear

6. The Hundredth Monkey Phenomenon

7. Bollocks on a Plane

8. Fuck the Airlines

9. From Vizag to Dum Dum

10. The Wingspan of Angels

The first time I wrote a letter to response to something on the internets, I realized that the medium while allowing instaneous response also didn't encourage much reflection and review. That aspect of cyberspace clearly needs to be learned by many. Yes airplanes and their pressure make you fart more and thank you Patrick for your disgression in not taking that one any further. I suppose inquring minds are a good thing but some questions are not worthy of an answer.

There is also a Russian movie titled "Air Crew" that involves an Aeroflot airliner on approach right when an earthquake destroys the runways. The special effects aren't the greatest; it's more of a "character development" movie. But it might be worth checking out.

Here is my dumb question:

When I was traveling in Peru I went around the country mostly by bus. The movie showing on all the 4 buses (and different bus companies were involved) were airplane disaster movies. One was "Alive", one was some really bad movie set in Alaska with Charlton Heston, and the other one I forget. So, is there a conspiracy amongst Peruvian bus companies to show movies like these to discourage people from flying?

The pilot writes: "Planes do not jettison fuel except during emergencies."

I was on a flight in which our wing-lift thingies were stuck. We could not climb above a certain altitude, and we had to turn back. Instead of jettisoning fuel, though, the plane circled for 4 hours with its landing gear down. Boy was that fun! Finally we landed, with several fire engines and other emergency vehicles racing alongside us till we stopped safely.

So... Why didn't we jettison the fuel?

Also, how many others have been in scary situations like this? I've been through at least 3 are-we-going-to-die plane flights. In another one, an entire engine suddenly shot noisy, "foom"-ing flames out the back for several seconds before dying, at which point all the lights went out and the pilot made a dramatic turn back toward our departure point.

Why do I get the feeling this happens a lot more than we hear about in the news? Are airlines required to publicize the number of near-miss scenarios that occur, and if so, where is such information available?

I've spend a good bit of time riding buses around Latin America and have found that disaster movies of all kinds are a favorite.

I've always assumed it's because the TVs are so small no one can read the subtitles and they need something that you can enjoy without understanding what people are saying.

I think I've seen the one with Anne Heche where LA becomes a volcano a good four or five times.

Okay, it was a little specific, but I want to know what happens to the dog...

I was on one flying out of LA. We jettisoned the fuel and landed in Vegas. The odd thing about the experience was that although the stated problem was that we had one engine go out, our captain appeared to be drunk. He came on the intercom and slurred something incomprehensible. The flight attendant took the mic afterwards and tried to calm everyone down, but it didn't really help much. I'm still wondering if the real problem was a problem with the captain.

I can't say how often this sort of thing occurs, but I'm not exactly a frequent flyer.

Given their flammability and potentially explosive nature, I think you may have uncovered a major in-flight security risk!

The market has spoken, Patrick. Enquiring minds want to know... where is the dog hair?

ANSWER THE QUESTION, SIR!!

Well, X-rays are ionizing radiation; perhaps they neutralized the static charge that was attracting the dog hair. Or some other factor (moisture?) did.

Would that be an African or a European swallow?

Hmm...the dog-hair question is interesting, but I think the X-ray machines are probably not the answer. If those machines were using THAT much ionizing radiation, you would have a serious ozone problem on your hands.

Instead, I think it has to do with the long journey your luggage takes. At the beginning and end of the trip it is travelling on conveyor bands made of heavy rubber. These could easily build up a nice static charge, that could attract the hairs. In the middle of the trip, the luggage is rubbing against all kinds of other bags, probably transferring the hair to its neighbors.

So my guess is that the hair ends up on or around the luggage bands, and on fellow passenger's bags.

Any other ideas?

You know, the dog hair thing is interesting. My guess is it was radiation that removed the static. But not from an X-ray machine; it was rather cosmic radiation received during the flight. Where did the hair go? It just fell off the case in the luggage hold. The short article below lends this theory some credence.

http://www.epa.gov/ttnamti1/files/ambient/pm25/qa/static.pdf