Letters to the Editor
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I confess
Last October I was one of the devious terrorists who succeeded in smuggling banned material passed the watchful eyes of Homeland Security. I did not go to LAX by choice. I know that I have no rights in America and all it takes is one accusatory finger and my life could be effectively over. But I did have to get to Canada and the stopover at LAX, at the time I booked, was unavoidable.
I took my first tentative steps off the plane and was immediately face to face with enormous posters that proclaimed: Agriculture - dump it, declare it or pay big fines. Secreted in my suitcase were half a dozen coconuts.I was in transit. The last thing I wanted to do was to actually enter the United States. I would be okay. No! When I met the first Homeland Security officer he demanded to see my entry papers. I explained about being in transit but to no avail. "You see that desk way over there? Go there." It was faraway and isolated. It looked like the last stop before Guantanamo. It was inhabited by a lone female Homeland Security officer and, in a suspiciously friendly manner, she supplied me with the necessary forms. Do you possess drugs? No. Guns? No. Coconuts? Yes, half a dozen, I confessed. She viewed my confessions without any comment and pointed me towards another desk closer to the populated part of the airport. The Homeland Security officer there was professionally curt, polite and to the point. He made a point of scrutinizing my documents, including my confession, in a most professional manner before allowing me to pass on to pick up my offending suitcase. I got the suitcase and immediately looked for the red 'Something to Declare'door. There wasn't one. Apparently in America everyone is assumed to have something to declare and it is up to Homeland Security to find it. The only gate that I could find was guarded by an enormous Afro American officer perched on a tiny stool. He studied my documents, confession and all, and pointed me on my way. Much to my surprise, being in transit, I found myself out on a street headed towards another terminal. I admit that it crossed my mind that I could have hopped into a taxi or bus, gone downtown and hurled the six offending coconuts through any sensitive government window. But I didn't. I continued on my way to peaceful, safe Canada.
Bill Greaves (coconut terrorist)
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Bug inspection very old
California has had a fruit ban for 70 years or so. Any country with a significant agricultural industry wants to control bringing pests in. California sprayed for med-flies for years because somebody brought them into the country -- perhaps on a coconut. This has nothing to do with terrorism, but just good, common, environmental sense. I don't know whether Canada takes steps to protect its agriculture, but Australia is notoriously ferocious and fines people hundreds of dollars if they bring an orange into the country.
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LAX
Yes, the international transit parade at LAX is a joke. I keep thinking that I'm doing something wrong everytime I emerge onto the street, looking for my next terminal; surely there is a right way to do this without finding myself outside?
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fingerprints
I agree totally with ncarey's post. It's not the hassle of immigration procedures. It's being fingerprinted and photographed and having no idea whatsoever what kind of file that information is going into, nor how long it will be kept (presumably forever). It used to be that the US's role of "global cop" had (at least) some good sides to it, but now I can see only negative ones. We foreigners have no rights whatsoever under the newest US laws, not even the right to be left alone in our own countries. It's downright scary and I don't see it ending anytime soon. I've had wonderful times in the States in the past, but to me your country is now a Forbidden Land and probably will stay that way. Considering my total lack of rights under the new US system, it would be folly to volunteer my fingerprints to the likes of Cheney and his successors.
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Ugly airliner
A380 Ugly? The beech 19oo wins hands down. If Olive Ann or Walter had been alive such an ugly corporate abortion would never have appeared.
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Why, yes, I am a total geek ...
By the way, are Azerbaijan and Kazakhstan anywhere near Azkaban? Just wondered.
I believe Azkaban is off the coast of Scotland, past the Outer Hebrides. I can't remember where I read that, but I'm comfortably sure it's accurate.
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the anonymous restaurant inside La Guardia Airport's Marine Air Terminal (MAT).
Oh my gosh! The best egg sandwhich I have ever had. If I could figure out how to get from the Marine Air Terminal easily to the main Delta/Northwest Terminal for my bimonthly flights I would.
I wish all airports had greasy spoons like this. Beats any fast food restaurant and bad airport food.
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MAT Mural
Thanks Patrick for mentioning the mural in the MAT. Without fail, I get goosebumps every time I walk into this historic building. Hands down, that mural is one of the most significant pieces of aviation art. It is a glorious depiction of humankind's greatest dream realized-- a testament to our ingenuity and perseverance as a species to overcome the seemingly impossible. Who cannot feel the awe and the excitement as the Dream of Flight evolves around us from wishful thinking and fanciful myths to those great Boeing 314's cruising their way across the North Atlantic crewed by aviators and navigators, sent forth by the engineers and master of science? That mural reminds me what greatness we have achieved, and it gives me hope for the future...
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THE ABSOLUTE WORST NAME FOR AN AIRLINE IN HISTORY!
"Kiwi Airlines."
Kiwis are birds that DON'T FLY!!!!!