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• Monday, February 13, 2006 06:29 AM

  olympic hilarity

  ah, king, you are too much. just when i'm starting to fall for the olympic kitsch parade, you're there to bring me back down to earth with a little good-natured ribbing of the ridiculousness of it all.

  personally, i consider the highlight of the olympics watching the american athletes on the medal stand trying to pretend like they remember the words to the national anthem (predictably, we see only americans awarded their gold-plated DVDs). shaun white didn't even bother, choosing instead to focus on the rather un-thrashin' dude-like waterworks display, which may have cost him a little street cred among his mall-rat army of admirers, but will no doubt cement his place in the hearts of the moms and dads who pay for all of that snowboard and skateboard gear he endorses.

  i can only assume that you're waiting until tomorrow to mock the so-ironic-it's-ridiculous bust-out of bodie miller in the downhill event. bodie still has 4 events to go, but from here, it looks like nike might be headed for another 'dan vs. dan' debacle. ditto for the semifinal choke of apolo anton ohno--a more likable guy than bodie the bloviator, but over-hyped and -exposed nonetheless.

  as for ms. kwan, well, the truth hurts--she really needed that olymic gold medal to earn a spot on her sport's short-list of unforgettables--but at least she had the sense and grace to bow out before it was too late for emily hughes to replace her. i know kwan was hungry to fill that hole in the trophy case, but i also suspect that the USOC wanted her in Turino more for marketing purposes than because anyone seriously thought she had a chance of winning. typically i couldn't care less about figure skating, but kwan seems believably genuine and decent, and it would have been a shame if her olympic career were to have ended with an embarrassing failure rather than an act of maturity and good sportsmanship.

  i dig your idea about the 'ghost-skier' in the downhill events--maybe they could do that for the luge, too, so we can see how much flatter one guy is than the other. i actually really like the luge--especially the helmets, which make all of the riders look like their heads are about to explode. thanks also for the quick history lesson. i've been wondering how all of these strapping, square-jawed europeans end up riding sleds instead of on the hockey team or in bare-knuckles ultimate fighting championships, but now i get it: luge is the off-season pastime between log-rolling, boom-running, and crosscut saw seasons.

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