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Monday, November 28, 2005 12:00 AM

King Kaufman's Sports Daily

Grown quarterbacks crawling around? Football players watching soccer players decide games? Field goals must go.

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  • Tuesday, November 29, 2005 11:42 AM

    the real reason the rest of the world likes soccer

    ... is that you don't need expensive equipment like pads, helmets, bats, skates, and ten-foot-high baskets to play it. You can play soccer with an inflated goat's bladder and some sticks sunk in the ground. Whereas we wealthy, world-conquering Americans have devised games with a larger financial commitment. See that? We like our kind of football because we have more money than the rest of you. There's probably a book about it too.

    Your provincial arrogant American friend,

    Asshole McJingo

    —djavier Read djavier's other letters

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