I ficksed it so's Scooty-scoot and me will turn states evidance if you pardon us and go after Cheney.

G-

That would make for an excellent novel to be adapted into an Academy Award-winning blockbuster. If only it could be true. But I fear, as usual, that Bush's boring and uncomplicated incompetence is not a facade for a Hollywood-worthy plot but just the sad and simple truth.

You know, when they forced Khruschev out, he sat down and wrote two letters to his successor. He said - "When you get yourself into a situation you can't get out of, open the first letter, and you'll be safe. When you get yourself into another situation you can't get out of, open the second letter". Soon enough, he gets into a tight situation, and he opens the first letter. It says - "Blame it all on me". So he blames it all on the old guy, and it worked like a charm. When he got himself into a second situation, he opened the second letter. It said - "Sit down, and write two letters".

My secret bottle of whiskey is in the third drawer on the right, hidden behind a bunch of National Day of Prayer flyers.

(PS: Don't tell Laura.)

-"Did you have burritos for lunch?"

-"Is that a seersucker suit?"

-Don't use Office #13 yet as they are not finished shredding.

-When you find out how bad everything REALLY is please don't hit me.

-There is no toilet paper in the bathrooms-sorry about that.

-In fact the whole country is in the toilet-sorry about that- not my problem anymore.

-Have fun!

B.,

I left my 'Dukes of Hazzard' DVD collection for ya in the media room, and there's a bottle of Jack Daniels in the drawer to your left. Sorry that I took a couple belts from it before your swearin' in, but I haven't actually appeared before a crowd of Americans that weren't hand picked and screened for their political beliefs since... Jesus, I can't count. Man, I love Jack Daniels! I used to like drinking it on the rocks, but now I just suck it down straight, and maybe chase it with a Corona. Ever since I saw this one kid come back from Iraq with his legs blown off and part of his face missing, that chaser helps to quell the nausea. I coulda kicked my aid's ass for showing that kid to me. I mean, like I want to see some fucking freak show when I could've been relaxing in the hot tub at Camp David? Hell, if that damn kid had been watching his step he would've missed that roadie-bomb thingy.

Anyway, you might want to have the pool cleaned. I think Cheney used it last and ol' Dick doesn't have much bladder control anymore.

By the way, anyone who says that being President is a tough job is full of horseshit. Hell, I could pick up the phone at 3am and have a side of BBQd ribs and a mess of salad and beans sent up to the fucking bathroom if I wanted! And I once ordered Air Force one to do a zero-G maneuver so the kids of some towel head I was signing an oil deal with could float around just like they was on the space shuttle. Laura got pissed off at me though 'cause she was sitting on the can at the time. Made a helluva mess.

Anyway, I hope y'all have as much fun as I've had these past eight years.

W

Careful with the pretzels?

BCS is fine the way it is.

If you find a bunch of empty liquor bottles stashed around the White House, they're, um, Betty Ford's.

If you stop my decider plans, I will say "They would have worked if that one didn't mess 'em up." he he he

Sorry, my fellow American, that's the way it really is. Brother Barack better have the balls of Jesus because they will use anyone and anything to get your "cooperation", even your children. Follow the money, indeed.

The joke's on you!

The horror! The horror!

I regret nothing!

George's note to Barrack:

When I came into the Oval Office on my first day, Bill was just leavin' and there were 3 envelopes on my desk, labelled 1, 2 and 3.

"What are these for?" I asked.

"If you ever find your problems getting out of hand, just open one of the envelopes," he said as he left.

So right off the bat, we have a recession. Then the 9-11 and anthrax attacks. I wasn't sure what to do, so I opened the first envelope.

"Blame your predecessor," it said. So that's waht I did. My ratings soared. All my legislative initiatives started going through. "This is great!" I thought to myself.

Then we invaded Eye-RACK and everything started back downhill. The war got ugly. Soldiers got killed. The deficit spiraled out of sight. I almost lost reelection to that French-lookin' John Kerry, for Christ's sake!

"The envelopes!" I thought. So I opened the second one.

"Reorganize," it read.

So we created the Department of Homeland Scrutiny. Moved everything remotely related into it. Moved some generals around. Created a War Czar position (Whatever happened to that guy, anyway?) Started somethin' called the Sunni Awakenin', whatever that was.

But it was too late. Nobody liked me anymore. We lost the mid-terms. My ratings fell below Nixon's. Then I remembered the third envelope! So I opened it.

It read, "Prepare three envelopes."

Okay, old joke. But it fits, don't it?

The secrit [sic] pardons of everyone in my administration, including me, are in the bottom drawer. Don’t release them unless you have to.

W.

...black person left stranded to deal with the consekwences of my incompitints...Hey, just like Her-i-cain Katreena! Heh heh heh...

Good luck, Tiger Woods guy.

Dick Cheney took it along with all his other papers when he left...

Dear Barack,

The turkey has left the building.

Chimp

Dear Mr. President:

I'm glad to have helped you with the transition. In return could you possibly make it public that you called me for direction on some issue. Y'see I had problems with the whole legacy thing and thought just maybe I could redeem myself with your help. Hey, Truman looked good a generation later!

I scratched your back and now you can scratch mine. Deal?

Your truly

G.W.B.