Letters to the Editor
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Dear me
I would take the $500 BILLION DOLLARS and give it straight away to Haliburton because they deserve it most. I would ask that they toss a few billions to various private contractors impersonating the US Armed Forces, cuz it's a hard gig with absolutely no future. And they should immediately misplace 10% of the funds - really, anywhere would do - just to keep us well-like around the world.
But I'd insist that the lion's share go directly towards a new Hali-headquarters in Dubai. Construction is through the roof there, and the US infrastructure is looking kind of shabby - not the best backdrop for corporate photo-ops or lucrative lifestyles. These guys are our best and brightest, and we should support them 125%. Why do some Americans hate their corporate handlers? It's sick.
I would make sure that a big chunk goes to keeping Cheney's family completely locked and lubricated for the next billion years. Give him as many loaded guns as he wants. He has given us the gift of eternal access to diminishing resources. We got you, babe.
And I'd install an 85-star chef in Bush's Paraguay ranchito, and stock the lake with 1,000-year-aged Ezra Brooks. Enjoy.