Letters to the Editor
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What to do, what to do...
Hmmm, let's see -- what is an EFFECTIVE way to loosen the tongue that doesn't violate anyone's human rights?
Wait a minute, I've got a foggy recollection of something in the news the last year or two -- what WAS that, anyway? I vaguely remember some sinister White House official with a strange scowl on his face admitting we had a really "useful" technique to drag confessions out of detainees.
Waterspouting, caterwauling, wetbacking, skateboarding -- no, none of those are quite right..
Oh, yeah -- WATERBOARDING!!! Maybe the Senate Sergeant-at-Arms could arrest AG Gonzalez and hold him at an undisclosed location (via extraordinary rendition, perhaps?) and EXTRACT the needed information in this universally acceptable manner.