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(10) Dear Camille, about that page-turner, Pierre Bourdiue's "Social Critique of the Judgment of Taste"... THAT SUCKED! It made me feel like Katherine Hepburn in the African Queen. (Did I mention I am a woman in a man's body?) Now, let me see how many adjectives I can jam into another sentence! I've got to make this graduate degree count for something! WTF! -Tom Joudrey, Mansfeld, Ohio
Dear Tom: I agree, that book was a pus-spurting zit on the nose of self-importance. Any teacher who assigns that book should be disemboweled by a rusty pen-knife. I'll do it myself. Screw that book, I hope it dies. And it's French! F-ck me gently with a guillotine. Bastard of a book. Die.
(11) Dear Camille, I hated "Titanic." Now "Aliens," that is the best movie ever. But "Titanic"? Oh, lordy. How can you like "Titanic" so much? I wake up each day and think about how horrible it is. Jesus christ god almighty, why does "Titanic" exist on this earth? I guess Kate Winslet is okay. -I Hate "Titanic"
Dear I Hate "Titanic": Please have mercy on me, for I love "Titanic." I agree Leonardo DiCaprio wasn't so good, and Kate Winslet was awesome, but then again, I prefer the company of women. And Kate Winslet is all woman! Mama mia! I also LUV that Celine Dion song! Mmmmm it's so good.
(12) Dear Camille, I agree about Kate Winslet. She is so great. -Jack Greenhalgh
Dear Jack: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You made me feel better after that last person was so mean to me because I enjoyed Titanic. So, about Kate Winslet -- isn't she curvy and voluptuous? Like a basket of ripe fruit, I tell ya. I'd love to squeeze those breasts, and that buttocks! Oh yes. Mmmm-mgah! She's not like that grotesque skeleton Madonna, who never returns my phone calls.
(13) Dear Camille, I like talking about old, dead rockers. And you talked about the old, dear rocker Jim Morrison. But what about the old, dead rocker Frank Zappa. Wasn't he great? Also, he was a libertarian. -Rick Wakefield
Dear Rick: Zappa WAS great. And here is a link to something I wrote about him once. Thanks for the opportunity to plug something I wrote. People keep slamming me for mentioning "Sexual Personae" so I gotta hold off on that one for a while.
(14) Dear Camille, I love this video to Kanye West's song. Dig it. --Cath Gulick, New York
Dear Cath: Thank you! I hadn't seen the video, but notice how I reference the name of the skillful director? That's because I am staying young and hip, and I want me readers to know it. Whoops, I just mentioned Pat Benetar. Better luck next time.
(15) Dear Camille, I loved that you mentioned Toni Braxton in your playlist thing in the New York Times Book Review. Notice how I am helping you toot your horn on something you did recently? Anyway, about that Braxton....she reminds me of something in a Douglas Sirk movie! I'll bet you know what I mean, because it's all referencey and stuff. -Nick Ross, Brooklyn, N.Y.
Dear Nick: Wow, you speak my language! To connect Toni Braxton to a director of totally gay 1950s women's movies....well, let's just say, we would have SUCH a good conversation over lunch. Say, 11:30, next Tuesday? We'll talk up everything from "Dynasty" to African-American church services. It'll be fab. Oh, by the way, I avoid Jon Stewart like the plague. I won't say why. I just do. Toodles.