The economy was supposed to rebound when Americans started buying plasma-screen televisions in large numbers. Americans didn't buy the plasma-screens like they were supposed to because a) they're so broke they have to sell their own plasma at the blood bank and b) even if they could afford a plasma, there's nothing on it worth watching, anyway.

I just got back from the blood bank. If I find out they're using my plasma in a tv, I'm gonna be pissed!

there was that 'professional' flavor.

imagine having to find 750 words every week, whether you've got something to say, or not.

...I am just wondering if the during the backstory to your column, if when she walked into your office she was wearing a skirt screaming her legs spelled trouble and if her face wore a look only the devil could describe as innocent. Nice Spillaning!

One can write for love, or for money. But why not both? For the love of money?

It's an ill wind that blows noone any good.

If Mr. Keillor has to cut down his writing time, it's only fair that I spent 2 minutes reading instead of the normal 10. And only 15 seconds responding.

Times are tough.

I ain't waitin' until this man has gone to the Great Beyond to sing his praises. Damn, if only I could write one-tenth so well as Mr. Keillor.

A perfect example of unedited Sarah Babble. Give the man a raise. Butchered Keillor is unbearable!

Consumerism needs to stop not just because of the credit crunch but it lacks anything of inherent value.

And we know who we are :)

(The world just keeps getting more complicated.)

*Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

(Do you know I once made a cappuccino for Gus Van Sant? ;)

Call me!

He'll get some government money, but he can never again fly on a private jet, and all that money he made from the PHC movie will be subject to a windfall profits tax.

And those are the easy parts.

In the future, he'll have to mention a labor union in each and every paragraph, even if the paragraph has nothing to do with unions.

He cannot mention Brazil, or Mexico, or Indonesia, for any reason, even if he has something funny to say about, say, Mexico.

27% of his columns must contain favorable treatment of ecology issues. In 2025, that will increase to 35%. In 2035 it increases to 40%.

And don't you dare tell Washington that you know more about writing and poetry and prose than they do. If you do, Rep. Henry Waxman will personally write a law that prohibits the term "prairie" from being used for literary purposes.

Let's treat Garrison's column the way Washington treats Detroit.

Detroit would be in much better shape, as would the rest of the country, if Washington had given some of that "Detroit" treatment to the finance industry.

Watching the mainstream economic crisis is unsettling enough, but the secondary and tertiary effects are just as startling.

But this is one I didn't expect... Gonzo Garrison.

Once upon a time a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10 and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He next announced that he would now buy monkeys at $20 each. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 each!

However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers: 'Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.'

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys for 700 billion dollars.

They never saw the man or his assistant again, only lots and lots of monkeys!

Now you have a better understanding of how the Wall Street Bailout Plan is supposed to work...

using Southern people in order to negatively describe unsavory characeristics of others.

You, Sir, are a bigot.

Dear Mr. K,

Your work is always brilliant and erudite. Count me a fan. However:

a turndown is something one does to a bed, a job offer, and/or a potential bed partner (and/or some combination of the preceding); whereas a downturn is a descent, often into hell and/or the toilet, like what we are experiencing with our current economy. Both turndowns and downturns can be unpleasant, but for each the unpleasantness depends a lot on if you're the one doing or receiving (except perhaps for the bed).

Thanks you, sir, for your winning and wonderful work, and for allowing me the smug (although dubiously deserved) self- satisfaction of having corrected a great writer such as you.

I far prefer to write my response before reading any of the others, that way it's what I really feel rather than adopting the tone of those nearby.

You natty fellow. You not only provide intelligent air and sparky wit, but a wizened daily friendship that keeps me focused. I invite you to gather with Elder Ma and I for smoked salmon, corn and rice this T-Day. We've got your place set. Thankful your way, a babysteps writer.

Eat me. Maybe you can imagine the oyster stuffing with the water chestnuts. Happy Thanksgivin'! Ah ha ha ha ha. ''Ghosts and true... Show where they are not supposed to be.''