I sent this to all of my daughters and my sister. It's good to know that the feeling of missing out or being passed over is almost universal and not limited to a few unfortunates. Like knowing that times is tough financially for lots of people instead of loser-me. Thanks again.

USA big shot individuals, someone more intellegent than myself said the first shall be last, I beleive that too be true, I laugh at the simps that try soo hard to be first, what clowns, assholes, and simple idiots, and I hope they get there wish, there desire to be the first, to go, to hell.

How's that lawsuit against your next-door neighbors going?

. . I used to be married to the male counterpart of the woman in red. Once he and I were second and third in a long line waiting to see a new movie opening. When the doors finally open, the crowd rushed in and he, the male counterpart of the woman in red, actually elbowed his way in front of the ONE person who was at the head of the pack! I mean, the theater was a sea of empty seats and he . . well, like I just said.

and especially how you sneaked the eleventh verse of the ninth chapter of the book of Ecclesiastes in there without so much as a by your leave.

Amen, brother: preach on!

Garrison Keillor: This is an honor to get in line on the manner train and the likes of Garrison Keillor. I remember when W.Bush won the last election and I turned on the radio to hear the mourning of the democrats in that far away land of Wobegon. It was refreshing to hear subtle

attempts to find humor in such a tragic loss. Most important I wasn't alone I heard songs and voices from people far away on the manners train. I felt like I had just recieved a fresh haircut at the salon.com barber shop quartet and all...thank you

I remember how a second-place finisher elbowed his way ahead of the man who won the vote in 2000. Alas, that time it wasn't so much the guy who lost as the entire country that suffered for his arrogance.

You have to be a certain age to gather the sort of wisdom that this little ditty describes ... I'm hoping that that certain age is upon me shortly.

Doesn't exactly make me wish I were from Minnesota, however. He makes the people sound as dreadfully bland as the food.

So here it is. Manners, Meester Keillor? MANNERS? Boy, oh boy. Is this the same person that dipped my braid in the inkhorn? The fifth gall and a saddle sore...THE unmitigated audacity. There is no doubt in my military mind that you have a tremendous sense of humor, and this is to your benefit.

We have faith, hope, and love.

And pushing the Fetzer.(Such irony!)

Answer the call. Step up to the plate. Laugh so hard that you pee your pants and pure tears of joy roll down our persnickety cheeks. Hollywood is on the line. Bigger, better, higher, faster, more, now, yesterday. Compete only with yourself. Push your own flight envelope. There are too many sore losers out there in the world. And the best satisfaction remains the personal lack of assertion. Feel it. Do not strive for IT. Be IT.

"Nothing is sacred," he said. "Everything IS sacred,"she replied. Then together,they killed all the cows. Every last one.

Or, I could count to five. Or think of this lovely essay, and try to let grace settle on my shoulder, instead of feeling those feathers slide through my grasping fingers. Gosh, it's so hard to be calm amidst all the angry rushers. I'm better than I was, but it still doesn't seem good enough.

'The other night at supper, she asked, "Is fellatio considered a normal sexual practice?" and her poor father almost coughed up a hairball.' -- I can't help myself, I have to add that HPV can cause cancer, and not just 'down there', but in your throat, too. I'd like to tell everyone I know, especially the 15-year-olds, but I might get arrested, so this will have to do.

Talk about diseases.

Folks, let this line be your clue that "Moneybags" Keillor is as full of gas as the next bag.

I find it hilarious when people mistake his faux folksiness for transcendental wisdom. It's show-biz hokum folks, just as pleasant, bland, and nutritious as lefse rolled with butter and sugar.

. . . its gifts, which are faith, hope, love and a sense of humor

I'll go along with the last three, but "faith"? In what, exactly?

ever heard of david hume?

he was a huge loser. by huge, i mean in every kind of magnitude. he was fat, and his colleagues thought he might be retarded because he ate like a pig and talked like a lunatic.

anyway. among other things, hume's ethical theory, which in a nutshell describes reason as "a slave to the passions," digresses into an excellent account of why witty revenge is so much more effective than "pulling hair out by the roots."

when you go ape shit, it's clear that the offender has affected you deeply, and "gotten the better of you." when you deftly insult, however, it's clear that not only can you recognize insult, but you have the largess to maintain your composure through it.

now, had you tripped the red head ever so smoothly: "why, i'm sorry, i didn't see you there..." you would be writing a much FUNNIER article, that practised what it preaches.

as it is, you're cool, but still preaching the same WE SHALL OVERCOME, residual-catholic, non-violent bullshit that reminds me of a childhood game. the wise ass says, "lets jump [into the freezing cold pool] on the count of three." one, two...

and the wise ass is still standing there when everyone else buoys screaming and gasping.

i'm sure your richer, more cutthroat friends are pleased as punch that their academic/booky counterparts are preaching "stand your ground." that way they can get a head start. or better yet, widen their lead.

consider that Martin Luther King's march on Washington brought with it the VERY REAL THREAT OF LARGE-SCALE VIOLENCE.

King himself did not preach violence, but don't let the sanitized version of history fool you.

people were scared shitless. and that's why the losers got the rights they were whining for.