Letters to the Editor
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Finally
Someone has noticed that Camp Counselors and their adult Woodsman incarnations are secret sadists. Take it from me, I was once one myself.
But it's Bush rather than Rove who strikes me more as the annoying Woodsman type. He tries to "get down" with us "ordinary Americans" by, you know, moving brush around from time to time and talking like an idiot. He tries to do as little work as possible when he thinks no one is watching. He has the smug attitude that says both "look how cool and unpretentious I'm pretending to be, don't you like me? Huh? Huh?" as well as "I am way smarter than you." He seems to have ripped his persona right out of the movie Meatballs. Some of his speeches too, I'd bet.
Rove just doesn't care enough about what people think of him to seem much like the overeager Woodsman. No, Rove is more like a different outdoorsy character. You know the guy - at camp he was the kid whose parents donated money for the new equestrian pavilion and hence feels he runs the place (and practically does). He runs the blackmarket candy bar trade and blackmails his distributors to crush his competition. He manages to win every race on land or water, but somehow, in a way that you can never quite figure out, it never seems like he actually won any of it through his own efforts.
On adult canoe trips, he's the one who has managed to purchase all of the most convenient accoutrements that miraculously solve those pesky bowel movement problems and many other harrowing challenges of outdoor life. He's very happy to tell you all about them. And no, he is not willing to share. Because having you watch him enjoy his squeaky clean and comfortable trip while you suffer in filthy gaseous misery is exactly the reason why he comes on these trips in the first place.
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Better Than "Turd-Blossom" As An Appelation!
"Turd-Blossom" Karl Rove, shit-shoveler-extraordinaire, is mis-named as "Bush's Brain"; considering all the fecal matter that's been dispensed through his office, he should be called "Bush's Sphincter."
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best Rove send-off yet!
...so let's flush T.B. and be done with him - I won't even check the bowl beforehand...
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Outlived his usefulness
Having been a camp counselor and leader of canoe trips, fortunately long ago, I can identify with the types GK describes all too well. I was never a macho faux woodsman type, and didn't particularly enjoy the discomfort of others (there were some exceptions), nor my own. But I do recognize those kind of slimey, snarky characters who needed to tell everyone else how smart and snarky they were.
Rove was the kind of guy, were he at camp, who would be taken into the woods the last week or day of camp, probably at night, tied to a tree, stripped, and had oil-of-cloves or Ben-Gay administered to his testicles (assuming they could be found). It was a thank-you of a particular kind, meant to convey just how grateful the guys were for his company.
Rove hasn't had his oil-of-cloves moment, and probably won't, but the country needs to show its gratitude for his unparalled skills at dividing us into warring factions. His appeal to every racist, sexist, miscogenistic, homophobic, xenophobic, bigoted, hateful, "low-information" voter shouldn't go unnoticed or unacknowledged. Whatever semblance of unity this country had, thin as it might have been, has been wiped out in the name of winning elections and grabbing power. All election campaigns have taken notice.
For this he should be suitably rewarded with a canoe (no paddle) and a week's worth of rations before he's blindfolded and taken to a secret, secure location (one of our new rendition camps) from which he has to find his own way out. The canoe is meant to help him get off an island. Just in case it's Cuba.
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Karl's Honorable Papers
Karl Rove, like all members of the inner circle of this administration, are theoretical warriors.
The war, for them, is not a reality they can taste or smell. It's a war game, except that what they've created is real. The "game" is being "played" with other people's children. It is not a movie or a war genre video.
No one in power, like Rove, can easily define success in Iraq and it seems we'll be there for a long time still. This is not theoretical.
None of these "heroes" actually served a generation ago so they can only "feel the pain" of the people actually serving on a rhetorical level as they guess about the next moves and shore up the "base."
The crackpot reality of this includes the pregnant fact that Rove has now issued his own discharge; he's leaving the "battlefield" before the war is "over."
Maybe he's suffering from "PTSD."
Oh dear.
No doubt he'll relate everything about his "sacrifice" and lay out as many sops to the sensibilities of his supporters as his "memoirs" can carry. Just imagine the motivational speeches he'll give over the years.
I'd pay any price, bear any burden, to get that book if it helps Karl, or sit, shocked in awe, at one of his upcoming "events."
Here's the thing. Really. Karl is the kind of guy I'd want standing by my side if I faced danger late at night behind a Texas honky tonk.
He'd be there for me. I just know it.
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Oh, To Be a 10 Year-Old Today.
Coming in the next decade is an avalanche of books and magazine articles on these, our Machiavellian Mayberrys. They are so corrupt, so inept, so self-righteous, so disliked world-wide.
The theater will come alive! A young man in his 20's will have material for a lifetime. What part would you like to play? G.W. Bush, his dad, his brother Jeb, Dick Cheney, Gonzalez, Rove, Ashcroft, General Powell, Douglas Feith, Paul Bremer, Tom Delay, Congressman Foley, Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, William Kristol, Wolfowitz, Richard Perle, Norquist, Greenspan, Murdoch ? And for the young women, the roles are many.
Comedy, farce, and tragedy will dominate. But our golden age of the stage is coming again. Oh, to be a 10 year-old today.
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Rove deserves a nice vacation
For all he has done for us, he deserves a nice vacation, all expenses paid. I suggest 5 years in Guantanamo, not in isolation, but in a cell with 5 jihadists.