"They will be OK unless you screw them up" A modest and easy path, one is tempted to believe. Hardly, and I was parented pretty well! I'm seeing how tricky it is to stay on that path with my own son, and appreciate all the help I can get.

I must say, not to be a prude, but a see a major problem here. You mentioned you walked to your car??!!

If there is any one message about mind altering drugs to pass on, it is not to drive when impaired.

I can't say I am a big fan of the whole thing, but I can see the argument about being honest.

However the driving while impaired changed everything.

If there is any aspect of alcohol or drugs that a parent needs to be an absolute dictator on, it is that.

Sorry, big mistake.

THis is what I told my son about girls:

1. Let the girl lead the way with regard to sex. You will get more that way.

2. Make eye contact and smile.

3. Most girls fall for a jerk first and a nice guy later, so be patient.

4. Be nice to all the girls, but especially to the girls who are a little plain. They are going to change.

5. Watch a lot of the Disney channel so that you know what girls talk about.

6. When you are listening to a girl, actually listen.

Because driving stoned is a *fabulous* thing to do.

Fuckwit.

What makes you think your son is telling the truth about the extent of his drug and alcohol use--even given that you are a "cool" parent?

look, i agree with the sentiments expressed here and look forward (in terror) to the same conversation with my boy, who is now 2. but if you really think moralizers are going to have a problem with your loose rules for your son or the content of your lecture, i'd guess you are wrong. i'm thinking people may focus on the fact that you were really really high (per your admission) while driving, endangering others and your own son. i hope you wore your seatbelts.

Kids don't learn what you tell them. They learn what they see. You chose to show him a father who believes America's drug laws are not really laws at all, but more like suggestions. It's up to us to decide which drugs to use. Great! Sure, you told him to lay off the H, but more importantly, you implicitly encouraged him to try any drug he chooses regardless of the say-so of any authority, and that includes you. I wish your son well in rehab.

(I may have bowlderised that quote - it's from memory.)

The car thing struck me too, but otherwise I really liked this wry and honest account of the perils of parenting. As I emerge from the angst of parenting adolescents (my girls are 16 and 19) I have learnt one thing and that is that the journey of parenting is a humbling one.

I started out with my precious new borns convinced I was going to be a fantastic parent, that I simply would not make the mistakes my mum and dad made, and that I would do this vital job to the best of my ability. Now I know that I have been a crap parent, and as I talk to my friends at a similar stage in their own journey, after a few glasses of our own drug of choice (excellent Barossa reisling or Tasmanian pinot noir), we all admit to the same sense of failure. I haven't made the mistakes my own parents made, nope, I have brilliantly created a whole new set of my very own. My advice to new parents would be simple, love them, don't worry about them too much and -when they hit adolescence - hold on for the ride.

I will also admit that I learnt a very useful lesson from my own mother when -pre-parenthood and post-therapy - I listed her parental shortcomings over a cup of tea. She listened quietly and when she was quite sure I had finished said; "You should thank me for those, they are your opportunities for growth." I'll be using that when my own daughters confront me with my failings.

Go for it Gary, stay human and real, with all your weaknesses, vulnerabilities and flaws and please, keep telling us about them. You make the rest of us feel better about our own.

When I was in high school back in the late '70s, both of my parents were alcoholics and my dad carried on multiple affairs and neither of them ever gave me "the speech" about sex & drugs, etc. However, my dad was a chief in the Navy and one of his collateral duties was drug counseling, and on my own initiative I picked up and read the anti-drug literature he brought home. I also read the Playboys and Penthouses and Hustlers he brought home too. Yeah, I actually read the articles in those magazines too, after I'd finished with the pictures and cartoons. Somehow, when I graduated in 1980, I was still a virgin, had never gotten drunk, and had never taken any illegal drugs. Of course, that was mostly because I was intensely introverted and spent most of my free time alone in my room, reading, drawing, listening to rock music. My younger brothers were more "normal" and they managed to turn out ok despite our rather disfunctional family atmosphere and despite getting their girlfriends pregnant less than two years after graduating and now one of them has four grandchildren. In my case, I had a brief affair with one of my dad's married girlfriends a year after I graduated (she initiated it).

27 years later, sex with others is still a rarity for me and while I've smoked pot while partying with friends a few times, usually the most I indulge in is a glass of wine mixed with ice and ginger ale. Yep, I'm a wiiiiild man. Turns up my stereo to 11.

Gary, go back to your son THIS MINUTE, talk to him, and use yourself as an example of how getting stoned can abso-effing-lutely screw up your judgment. Apologize for putting him in danger. Let him see that you realize how much you could have lost that night, and how aghast you are at your own behavior.

Okay, that's out of the way.

Otherwise, fine parenting job. Respect is returned when it is given, particularly with kids. I think you can trust your son to be honest with you, because you have been honest with him. I believe that kids can sense that. From every word in that article, I sense that you respect your son as a decision-making human separate from yourself. You didn't give him a black-and-white, just-say-no, pre-packaged spiel; you let him in on some of the complexities of the real choices he'll have to make. I don't know how to better prepare a kid for that crazy world out there.

Okay, now. Go apologize.