Letters to the Editor
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20 February 2009 : The New President's First White House Press Conference.
The new White House Press Corps shuffle forward to call out questions to the newly inagurated President John S. McKlean III.
JOEL ROBINSON: "Mister President, as the only occupant of the White House to share the closest biological genetic code to our first fiery-tempered Warrior President, General Washington, your detractors have charged that you too are at-the-ready to take the People into the unending cycle of warfare that has cursed our land since its inception. Your Defense Secretary Colin Powell has expressed concern. -- How do you respond, Sir?"
PRESIDENT McKLEAN: "I don't, asshole. --- Next Question."
TOM SERVO: "My Readers would like to know what was really behind your decision to make Condoleeza Rice your Vice President? -- Some have suggested that you did so because you weren't certain that you would survive an 8 year presidency.
PRESIDENT McKLEAN: "My party, under Teddy Roosevelt, established the first great thrust in the Environmental Movement with the Preservation Acts of nationalizing lands; my party charged into its bloddiest war in order to free the African-Americans from the slavery imposed by Democrat Party legislatures; my party pressed to grant women the vote in 1920 against the squirmings & bleatings of President Wilson & his Democrat ilk; under Ike, my party sent the Armed Forces into the South to force Arkansas Democrats to allow Black kids to attend school with whites; my party appointed the first woman to the Supreme Court, as well as the only sitting justice; -- It seemed only fitting that both the First Woman President and the First Minority Race President be a Republican.
TOM SERVO: "I see. Yes. Well that makes perfect sense."
PRESIDENT McKLEAN: "Next question."
GYPSY: "President McKlean - clickclick - Some are saying that you appointed Senator Barry OBlarny to head your Department of Health as a concession for his help in neutralizing Frau Klinton's candidacy in last years primary.
PRESIDENT McKLEAN: "I appointed Senator OBlarny to the position because it was the only office in government that he was even half-way qualified to run. -- Next Question, -- yes, you in the Robot Outfit."
CROW: "Sir, your Press Secretary, Amy Holmes has announced that Secretary of State Lieberman is leaving this weekend for a one day visit to Tehran to convince their Loony-in-Chief that you bode them no ill will but only to lay out the Facts as they are to him."
PRESIDENT McKLEAN: "I have faith that Joe will give them an offer that they can't refuse. -- yuck, yuck"
JOEL ROBINSON: "One last question, President McKlean, why did you appoint Jonah Goldberg to be your Secretary of Education?
PRESIDENT McKLEAN: "I did so in order to stick a needle in the eye of the Salon Readership -- and -- I might add --- for no other reason under the sun. --- Thankyou Ladies and Gentlemen. Have a Nice Day."