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Saturday, Nov 7, 2009
Jack Bauer yanks the steering wheel violently to the left, perilously crossing oncoming traffic and running several other cars off the road. Now that CTU's ability to secure an aircraft for him has been foiled by Al Gore and the ACLU, he will have to take more drastic measures.
In the name of national security, he will have to commandeer one of John Travolta's private jets and fly it to Washington, DC. There, he will have to torture Nancy Pelosi and Steny Hoyer into passing retroactive immunity for the telecoms that patriotically allowed the government to wiretap illegally. Otherwise, Jack Bauer knew, America's vaunted intelligence-gathering capabilities would GO DARK.
Pushing the stolen Yukon to over 100 mph on the two-lane highway, Jack heads south, to Los Angeles, where John Travolta would be giving a keynote speech for a Scientology convention soon.
Jack is thirsty from running, tackling, and commandeering for nearly 15 hours straight. He catches a glimpse of a package of child-sized bottles of Sunny Delight in the backseat, by the baby car seat. He tears a Sunny Delight free from the packaging, rips the lid off with his teeth, and chugs it in two seconds flat.
Faster. He needs to drive faster! The Heritage Foundation FISA timer gives him only nine hours before the fate of the Nation would be sealed. But first, another Sunny Delight.
*BEEP... BEEP... BEEP... BEEP...*
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
The Maine fight was supposed to be the dress rehearsal for repealing California's Prop. 8 -- but gay marriage lost
Once one obtains Seriousness credentials in the Washington media, they are irrevocable no matter one's conduct.
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