Letters to the Editor
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The Hollywood Timer urgently screams
The deeply serious Heritage Foundation -- and this is real -- has a countdown clock on its frontpage, showing to the second the time that we all have left before we become -- all together now -- unsafe and unprotected (h/t sysprog):
In a back alley near a Berkeley protest, Jack Bauer snaps his sweaty head up from restraining an anti-globalization hippy and a Code Pink activist - his left boot on the hippy's dreadlocks, his right boot on the Code Pink activist's throat.
"Goddammit!" he rasps at the message coming through his radio from headquarters that "Alert, all agents: FISA is going to expire at exactly twelve-hundred hours. Bauer, you've been authorized by the President to take all necessary actions."
"What the hell do you expect me to do with these two national security threats I've apprehended?" he bellows back into his tactical radio, smearing a blot of greasy sweat onto the plastic receiver.
"Your first priority is now to apprehend and neutralize the House Democratic Leadership at all costs, Jack."
Jack Bauer solemnly contemplates his latest, most dire directive, his barrel chest still heaving from his chase and capture of the hippy and the pink-clad activist. He knows that he has mere hours before the unthinkable would occur. He knows that he must capture, perhaps even kill, Steny Hoyer, Nancy Pelosi, and perhaps many more House Democrats in order to save the nation from tyranny.
To Be Continued...