Letters to the Editor
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UT SOTU Liveblogging
I'm still wiping up the sprayed gin... That little liveblog y'all put on so far exceeded, in entertainment value, the event it was meant to cover that in a moment of mental abstraction I was almost glad to have Bush as preznit. Cattle prods, porcelain gods, dental exams, shotguns.... how can something so false, dreadful, and heart-rendingly depressing be so pants-wettingly, gasping-for-breath, hi-f*cking-larious?
Minute by minute, without the shame and suffering of seeing that face and hearing that voice, I had the best SOTU experience ever, conveniently postponed to accomodate a prior engagement. I felt as though a whole truckload of rotten vegetables had splattered, gloriously, across the faces of each Republician, while the dimwit in chief had literally been rendered nary but a fetid pyramid of semi-ripe compost, fit to have the Road Runner stop by and stick a sign on top, "Decider." Beep beep.
Sounds like nobody got hurt, either. My legal team, on loan from the telecoms, said I should mention mattresses, and I'm glad I did.
You couldn't have performed so brilliantly with concussions, after all.