Letters to the Editor
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You missed something
While I understand your question, your missing two simple things: that gender identity and sexual orientation are two separate things, so while there are some trans people that are not gay, there are others that are, and secondly, while I appreciate that you as a gay man would like to see ENDA pass for what it means to you, to make the statement that we sort of hitched a ride on your revolution is a bit ignorant considering that your revolution was started by us -- the trans community.
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This is why I left
I am now 34 and a lifelong bisexual. I am attracted equally to males and females. In fact, I seem to be more attracted to personality than gender when it comes down to it. I am a bisexual and that's pretty much why I left the 'movement'.
In college I threw myself into the movement. I demanded equal rights for everyone. I went to Pride, I helped raise funds, I towed the line.
As I hit my mid-twenties I began to notice something. This group that demanded equality, that wanted to be respected for who they were on the inside, not the shape of the person they loved seemed to have a lot of vitriol towards 'breeders'. One could argue that years of 'oppression' had made them bitter but that certainly didn't line up with the whole 'we are so enlightened' message they wanted to send out.
At the time I was with a woman. We were in love and we planned to be together forever. Nobody would take my claims of bisexuality seriously. 'It didn't matter, did it?' they would ask me. 'you're pretty much a lesbian now, right?'
At first I accepted this, it didn't matter, did it? I mean I may as well be a lesbian. But it did matter. I wasn't a lesbian. I was 50% 'breeder'! Even if I never slept with another man, how could I deny that it was there in me.
Slowly, I disengaged from the 'movement'. I voted for gay rights, I donated when I could, but I stopped fighting. Why should I?
After almost 11 years together, the relationship with the woman dissolved. Later I met and fell in love with a wonderful man. We have been together for almost 3 years now and I'm hearing it all over again from the few gay friends I have, 'looks like you aren't gay anymore!', 'oh, honey, you're just confused is all.' 'how does it feel to be so straight?'. 11 years with a woman makes me gay, but after only 6 months with a man I was completely straight.
It is this streamlining of the movement, this whittling away that drove me away. I will always support equal rights for everyone regardless, but don't expect at your 'pride' celebrations, don't expect me to celebrate when you were so quick to exclude me and my 'type'.
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Progress is always slow.
Mr. Aravosis is right. We can't have everything all at once. It's not fair, but it's the reality of the situation. Winning part of the battle is still winning, and then you keep on fighting. Besides, passing this part of the law will be a good argument to help pass the rest in the future.
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Such a poor knowledge of history
I've been reading about this "problem" for over a week now. Oddly, I first read about it at Americablog, a blog I read (past tense) daily. The first thing I would like to say is that a major problem with this conversation we've been having is that one of the main voices in the debate (Mr. Aravosis) started and has continued to write with such an air of condescension that it is hard to understand and take seriously what he is trying to say. This "I'm in Washington and know what it takes to get stuff done" schtick is just insulting. And all the "But I want them to have rights too" stuff more so. Especially with lines like "let alone ask what I as a gay man have in common with a man who wants to cut off his penis, surgically construct a vagina, and become a woman."
"A lot of gays have been scratching their heads for 10 years trying to figure out what they have in common with transsexuals, or at the very least why transgendered people qualify as our siblings rather than our cousins. It's a fair question, but one we know we dare not ask. It is simply not p.c. in the gay community to question how and why the T got added on to the LGB..." 10 years? Really. only that long? So what does that say? Hmmm.....well I'd say it says a bunch af gay guys who came out in the late nineties after so much of the heavy lifting was done in the 70's and 80's have absolutely no idea about how they came by their freedom to come out.
The whole second paragraph from Wikipedia is just silly.When the T was added to the acronym has absolutely nothing to do with when trangenders and gays and lesbians became a community. Nothing. Defining yourself from Wikipedia is a bit sad.
Also, I would like to hear a bit more from our all knowing Washingtonians, what IS the likelyhood of this passing the Senate? We've only talked about the House. This would add abit to their arguements if they would take the non T bill all the way down the pike. If it passes in the House, does it pass in the the Senate? And if there does Bush sign it? Is this battle in the House REALLY going to get all the way to the President? Haven't heard or read any of that. If this battle is all just a show for the House, it's a real shame that so many people have drawn a line in the sand for our Trans Brothers and Sisters. A real screw up I'd say.
And just another thing, I'm sick of people using "PC". What the hell is that? Our communty is not PC. WE are not part of the mainstream. Never have been. If you have a problem asking questions or are afraid of a lively heated debate, that's your problem and most likely means YOU are the one that is PC or aspires to be. Pushing buttons and boundaries is what this community is and always has been about.
Lastly, I would just like to say that I think this is a great debate. I have a sense that the LGBT community, at least in my eyes, has fractured since the late 90's. Maybe I'm just getting old. But I'm heartened to actually see this debate, to understand that there really does exist a subset that doesn't understand why we should all be a community and we need to inform them of the importance of this community. It's a debate that has been sidelined because, well, we've become complacent. We're on TV. But we ARE all a community. Gays Lesbians Transgenders. (Ok, here is where I'll say I never understood Bi's being a part. That's my thing but I'm all inclusive so Welcome)
Keep the debate going. Be honest. And remember our history!