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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
Life isn't easy. Feelings are going to get hurt. Debra wants women to take care of themselves, and to live longer healthier lives!!! Yet wimpy salon readers can't take it. Grow up.
...about black women or their health. This is yet another chance for her to scapegoat them for her self-hatred and family-rejection issues. I'd give a million if someone would get her family's side of the story about what Dickerson is really like. Bet it wouldn't be pretty...
But...I have found that people who claim they only want to "help others" with their advice about how to live their lives and who insult people by calling them names like "wimpy," are usually the ones who are hurting.
This opinion piece sounded like sour grapes to me. I got the idea the author is ticked off that all her organic eating and yoga practicing isn’t getting her any cat calls on the street.
Black and Latino men like big butts – that’s no secret. But, generally speaking, they like their large assed ladies to have a slim waist, a lack of cellulite and nice teeth and skin - it’s not like the truly obese and sickly are celebrated within the black community. Very much the opposite – fat black woman are ridiculed inside their own community (Eddie Murphy in drag anyone?) as well as from the outside (see this article and its supportive responses).
I love Debra Dickerson's work. She's a smart, talented writer and cultural commentator, and while this is a good piece about health, it's off the mark. I wish her editor had a had a stronger hand, because this article is really about women risking their health to an ideal of beauty.
Be it anorexia or diabetes, our ideals of sexy are STILL warped and twisted because our heterosexual, capitalist culture decides what looks good is what sells, and what sells rules.
Here's Dickerson on the Colbert Report:
http://www.rawstory.com/news/2007/Colbert_questions_Obamas_blackness_0209.html
It's clear to me that Buffie is in better shape than Dickerson.
Y'know, you're right. I am hurting, so is Debra. We are people who know how tough it is to take care of a body. I'm hurting from my jog and lift yesterday. I'm hurting from watching obese children waddle down the street this morning. I'm hurting when I look into the eyes of a 300 pound 17 year old girl on the sidewalk. People like Debra and myself care about other people. We care about their health enough to hurt their feelings in its pursuit.
She's also almost 20 years younger.
You just CAN'T be happy unless women are objectified in a certain, yoga-soy-enhanced, spiritual kind of way, can you? You gotta ruin it for everyone else
I would normally write a longer post than this, but Debra doesn't deserve any better than this
Dickerson is right that an unhealthy lifestyle is a choice, and not an inescapable one. Unfortunately, she sends her call to action off the rails by listing all the risks of obesity in a condescending fashion, as though the overweight members of her audience are too stupid to know them. If the cultural divide between white and black is as large (no pun intended) as she seems to think it is, my experience may not apply here, but getting the lecture from my doctors every time I "sought out" my doctors for a sore throat only served to increase my defensiveness and excuses: "At least I'm in proportion," "Grandma never worked out a day in her life, and she lived to 93," and, yes, "My boyfriend doesn't mind." It was only after I determined that my dissatisfaction with my unhealthy habits was internal and not from external criticism that I was willing to start making changes.
If you're dealing with someone as stubborn as I am, no amount of social pressure and citation of long-range risks can encourage that person to make the right choice. Emphasizing the simplicity of certain healthy choices on an individual basis - say, avoiding weight-gain or weight-loss supplements, or that steamed greens and grilled chicken taste good, too - goes much further.
I realize everyone is entitled to their opinion, but Debra, perhaps it is time to stop focusing on other people and start focusing on yourself.
I've never understood it when people show such scorn about another persons habits. Buffie's body does not affect you. What Buffie looks like does not impact your life. That men are attracted to her is their business and not yours. There are myriad shapes and sizes and personalities and certainly an equal number people to be attracted to them.
If, perhaps, you are upset that men are more attracted to women like Buffie and not to yourself, look inward. Looks will only get someone so far in a relationship, but eventually personality will take over. I would venture to guess that whatever personality traits drive you to harangue your coworkers about their lunch choices, again, choices that do not impact you and are none of your business, might also be responsible for driving prospective suitors away. It's just a thought.
And finally, I'm tired of people's propensity to focus on the 'singular cause'. There are so many factors that go into heart disease or cancer or diabetes or any other physical ailment. My father is 6'2" and approx 170 pounds. He is fit, athletic and active, he also has dangerously high cholesterol that he must manage regularly. On the other hand, I, his adopted daughter, am short, overweight and not nearly as active as I should be. My initial cholesterol tests came back so low and healthy that the doctor had them re-done as she suspected a mix up in the lab. No mix up. My cholesterol is clear, my heart is strong and healthy and I show no signs of any of the other ailments that people like to connect with fattiness.
There is no cure all, there is no one single factor. Unless you are aware of every single factor and unless the situation affects you in some way that you can't control, take the focus away from them and move it back on yourself.
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