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Read other letters about this article
given the tone on this discussion.
I wrote the anonymous post and I can assure you I am not the vile Ben Dover. He makes me ill.
Your assumption that I was asking my question out of malice is just wrong - and it has nothing at all to do with whether I post anonymously and open myself to a full-on attack or use my screen name, which might as well me Mr. Mustard for all it tells you about my identity.
What is wrong about pointing out that we only get to live once, and that doing so fat and unhappy and reactionary about being fat and unhappy is sort of a waste? Can't anyone get emotionally honest about the subject of women and weight?
I'm in my 50s. I struggled with my weight for decades. I finally decided enough was enough. I got real with what I was eating - and it was way more, and way worse, than I'd been willing to admit to myself. I got real about exercising. And I invested in therapy to find out why I stayed fat when I was so obviously miserable being fat. It was a great paradox to me - I hated my own body (not my self, just my body) but I hated anyone who dared point out the very things I already knew - that I ate too much, didn't exercise, and should stop complaining and do someething to address the situation. I decided to stop wasting energy on getting angry with people who were were stating facts and redirect it to making the changes I needed to make.
This is obviously an emotional topic. It's worth asking why. I've met very few seriously overweight people who are really content with the situation. Most pleas for acceptance have the ring of "I don't accept my own body, but I demand that you do!" Tyra Banks did this, didn't she? And then turned around and lost a bunch of weight, thus letting us know how accepting she really was of her heavier body all along. There wasn't anything wrong with her weight before, or after. What was wrong was a callous media mocking her and shaming her about her weight...but on the other hand she seeks out attention for herself and her body and makes a lot of money doing it, so should probably just suck it up and not get all indignant when the chips don't fall her way.
I don't think anyone should mock or shame anyone for being fat. But I also don't think we should pretend that fat is OK, if it's making you unhappy and or unhealthy. You can attack fat without attacking the person.
Why isn't it possible to be against fat though not against fat people? My sister is fat. She's miserable and makes everyone around her miserable. I hate seeing her like this - I understand how she feels, but it's hard to empathize over a period of decades when she refuses to do anything about it except complain and try to make the rest of us feel as bad as her. You can't ignore her body - she won't let you. If you say "that's a nice top" she savages herself and you "Yeah, sure, the fat ass looks nice today." If you tell her that she looks cute in something she rolls her eyes and snorts in disgust. If you tell her that the dish she made for the cookout is great she mocks you, saying "well that's one thing fat people know how to do - cook!"
If you try to help her, you get your head bitten off even worse. People say fat is the last accepted prejudice - apparently it's also the last accepted addiction too. It's the one destructive behavior that isn't allowed to be mentioned, no matter what. Any comment about fat is interpreted as a comment directly related to the amount of hatrred you have for any person who carries even a smidgen of fat.
We are, as a country, fatter than ever. You didn't see people rising up in the 30s and 40s and 50s and screaming about fat intolerance - fat was rare. Now it's common - and obviously pretty tolerated if you look around you. There are clothing stores for the obsese, accomodations in airplanes, I"m surrounded by fat people at work. I'd say I take far more personal abuse in the matter of uansked for remarks about my eating and body than any of them, especially when we are celebrating an employee birthday with a cake. We have an epidemic of fat, a diet industry that is booming, a testament to how many people really aren't happy with the status quo..and all of this buring, righteous indignation when anyone dares to say the least negative thing about fat.
Someone writing in to Salon letters angrily dared another contributor to say something about losing weight she hadn't heard before, and do so without making her feel ashamed, disgusted or unhappy. I'm sorry - but aren't our feelings our own responsibility? You can choose not to be ashamed. You can choose to change the situation making you so miserable. You can choose to change yourself if you're unhappy, instead of demanding others change to show an accpetance you can't even feel yourself. That's all I"m pointing out. We have one life to live. It's a waste to be so unhappy about something that is eminenly changeable.
Mr. Mustard
