Letters to the Editor
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Some ideas for DonaQuixote...
There are a number of programs on DVD that my help to expand your cultural awareness in the comfort of your own home. That way, you can respond to the material in whatever manner you feel, without concern for how you might be perceived.
"Unchained Memories" is a dramatic reading of selected slave narratives produced for HBO and available on DVD. The program is enhanced by the astonishing talent of the many actors and actresses reading the narratives. A truly powerful piece that chronicles many aspects of black life during the slavery era.
I also highly recommend "When We Were Kings." Though the documentary relates the story of the classic "Rumble in the Jungle," it also sensitively probes the psyche and politics of a tremendous man, Muhammad Ali.
PBS also produced a heart-wrenching program about Emmett Till. Till's story goes a long way toward establishing the persistence of racial injustice in America. The story still resonates today as indictments against other participants in the crime failed just last week. Especially moving is the coverage of the funeral, where literally thousands of black people lined up to view his mutilated corpse.
There are many other programs you will encounter and Amazon is pretty good at offering suggestions once you get your feet wet.
In regards to co-worker relations, I wish I could give you a road map to navigating those initial meetings. However, we are hardly homogenous and what might work for me could be extremely offensive to others. Maybe HR could sponsor a diversity "mixer" after work? I imagine most Black people would be mildly curious and perhaps more open to the idea of being approached with questions in a forum of this nature.
Lastly, YOU ARE NOT A TOURIST! You are a human being seeking connections with other human beings in spite of years of institutionalized barriers. Be prepared for success AND failure and I'm sure you will do fine.
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She's right
For those criticizing Ms. Dickerson's parenting skills or thinking she's hoisting racial baggage on her kids, you have no idea. Whether or not we like it, this country will force these kids to confront race and color and strangers will impose their issues on them. They need to be prepared and not talking about it will not make it go away, nor does insulting the writer for some basic realities make it different. People are confused when the children do not look like the parents or they cannot identify someone based on their color or how they speak. Children pick up on this very quickly, regardless of whatever colorblind platitudes we voice. Spend a day babysitting a child who is not the same race or color as you and the stares and reactions you get will be quite enlightening as people try to figure out if you are the parent or not. We hope and strive for a better society but we need to teach our kids coping skills to deal with the world we actually live in.
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"bignupe"
you have a big heart and your kids will come out fine. my daughter got called names but her uncle was more upset than she. it was just a word to her. there's so many shocks later. and not just prejudice but broken hearts, lousy jobs, personal failings. i think it really will help to have a father like you (who most likely had pretty good parents, yourself). thanks "nomogenist" for noticing that, yes, men have a part to play in this too. finally, "Me". you have to decide what jewishness means to you - and not that god business, fully *half* of american jews *admit* they don't believe in god. is it worth preserving? you can so easily forget it! you *do* have to consider your parent's feelings, and they, like all jews, are a little crazed on the subject. my parents were dead when i got married, however, since i married a jamaican, i lost what was left of my family. of course, it is sad and i miss them, but i'm not going to give up my life for them. why did i ask her to convert? (furthermore, orthodox, so all jews would "have to" accept them as jewish) who KNOWS! i think it's defiance, but really, i don't know. it did stick though. they all think of themselves as jewish, with no synagogue experience. unlike you i am GLAD i've instilled a healthy (for jews) paranoia. your parents weren't paranoid ENOUGH! (my folks got out in the nick of time. my grandmother because "there'd never be a king as good as Franz Josef" and my father because, "there's no future for jews in russia".) every jew has to decide whether this will be the end of the chain. if not, ask your hubby to convert. if so, *don't* regale your children with stuff they'll undoubtedly become tormented by.
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"black irish"
you are quite right about the varied reactions. me and my wife once went to the park with a friend of mine and his wife. we both had strollers. we switched partners. when i was with his wife and my own kid, we'd get very approving smiles - after all, a white couple and a black child? we must be wonderful! this was in total contrast when i was with my own wife. they could now figure out how my daughter got that way. angry frowns (no, i don't want to make this out to seem more pronounced than it was, only maybe 5% were disapproving. in general, whatever the reason for stares, 5% will be negative, 10% positive and 85% total indifference). of course, the daughter remained the same throughout. the only way you can react to this is with detached irony, shaken head amusement.
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First of all, what sort of a ridiculous heading is that?
What exactly is the 'gift' that this mother is giving to her children? That is a discussion for another letter that I won't write just now.
2nd, Ms Dickerson, as the white parent of two biracial teenagers I will do you the favor of telling you that you appear to be quite naive--are you an academic by any chance? Because if are just beginning to discuss race with your 5 year old, it's time to come down out of that ivory tower. Where has your mind been? Is it really possible that your child was only recently in a room full of black people for the first time?
No matter how 'white' your kids look, I can promise you that it is a big mistake to underestimate the effects--good and bad--that race will have in their lives. In fact, it is probably their white appearance that has lulled you into obviously not dealing proactively with the developmental and social issues faced by biracial kids.
Your column makes you look pretty clueless. Time to get with it, Mom.