Letters to the Editor
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"seems" is the key word, and your letter is all snark, sister
"When I found out I was having a boy, I wondered: How can a feminist raise a man without without becoming a hypocrite or a castrator?"
Long before I decided to become a mother I wondered--and then I did something about--how to be a great parent, how to meet my child's emotional, physical, nutritional, educational and especially financial needs. There are so many things wrong with Debra's quoted sentence I don't know where to start. And Julia, I'm a now single mom. I learned long ago that you can't blame other people, even when it makes you feel good...or in your case, superior. I've seen several letters from women--including mine, that take the author to task. Certainly there's no crime in thinking--even out loud--about all these important issues. But bitching publicly and doing something are still two completely different paths. Only the latter gets results.
Besides, ever so often the idiots on either side say something that's true, regardless of the source. Don't worry, Julia. Your turn will come eventually.
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Huh?
>What few decent points she struggles to find answers to are all but drowned in her issues with her past and her pigmentation.<
And this is different from most writers, how? It's not like Fitzgerald or Hemingway or Mailer weren't wrestling with their demons on class, race, or gender. But, of course, they weren't black women, who are supposed to at least have the decency not to talk about the crap they take and make people like you uncomfortable.
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you've got to be kidding me!
The fact that your apparent choices are hypocisy or castration implies not that you are a feminist, but that you are a female chauvinist. Apparently, a man is defined for you as either a castrated, effeminate non-man or a chauvinist and that is clearly not the case. Perhaps its time to get down off that 'feminist' high horse and learn to live in the real world. Geez, its no wonder the right wing radio talk show hosts like to make such a big deal about the scary feminists in their world. If my mother's attitude had mirrored yours (she's a research biochemist who runs a lab at one of the most prestigious research hospitals on the planet, and she studied and/or did research full time the entire time I was growing up), I'd never have grown up to be the man I am, and she didn't have to compromise her principles to do so.
I can't believe Salon is running this. If a man had written a piece about wanting to ensure that he raised his son to be a chauvinist the editors wouldn't have given it the time of day.
Maybe we can have an editorial about how raising a black man in america necessitates either racism against whites or an upbringing as an uncle tom?
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Truth, Angelou, Morrison, Bambera, Walker...to name a few
Nice try, Deering. No one's saying the pointless point you failed to make. Everyone's fucked up; every author's issues are the fountain from which their writings spring. I'm just saying--as others also have said--that DD does a particularly shitty job of the actual art of writing. You named 3 excellent white men. I named 5 excellent black women. We could play the numbers game all day; however, the point is not quantity but quality. DD is not a shitty writer because she's a black woman. She's a black woman who is a shitty writer. The fact that she can't get past her gender and pigmentation is what keeps her from becoming even readable, let alone great.
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sexism
Any article that starts out about how the author didn't much like those of the (fill in the blank) gender is sexist, pure and simple. Imagine if a man wrote that he didn't like those of the female gender.
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Glad DD's gotten it right
She didn't "grow up fast" -- she didn't grow up AT ALL. Even at age 40, from this essay, she was apparently still immature, self-centered, and petty. Yet it seems like, from this essay, she's finally gotten around the bend and learned not to walk into a new situation with an attitude. White, guilt-ridden liberals have probably enabled her immaturity by cutting her so much slack over these years. Parenthood is not so forgiving.
Good luck DD -- and welcome to the world of mature people who can be good parents.
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Nice try, homes...
>The fact that she can't get past her gender and pigmentation is what keeps her from becoming even readable, let alone great.<
So, if she would just quit being black and a woman--and would forget all the issues that entails, she'd be a great writer, right? Come on--you keep coming back to her gender and color as being the "problem" with her writing. If you really cared about the latter's quality, you'd be on her case about her structure and style, not her subject matter. The fact that you aren't means you have issues with her talking about being AAmerican and female--which is _your_ problem, not hers.
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why do writers do this?
"I have no idea what I'm doing" doesn't really offer the reader much.
Unmarried women have been raising boys on their own for millenia. It's not rocket science. I suggest that, if you have difficulties with that, talk with a few mothers who have gone through the experience themselves.
It must be tough when any challenge in life becomes an opportunity to write about oneself. If you want to do your son a favor, just raise him. And keep the hand-wringing details private.
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That poor little boy
Mommas got issues!
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It's not that hard
Raise him to respect himself. Raise him to respect all others regardless of their gender or race or status. Raise him to treat others as he'd like to be treated. Make sure you give him quality time with a male role model, a man you'd like him to emulate.
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re: Wouldn't it be ok if he was womanly, or gay, or transgendered? Please just encourage your son to be who he will be.
it may be life, but it's not okay - at least not with me. Just as one loves a crippled or deformed child - or a mentally retarded one, one loves a boy who chooses to wear a dress - but I wouldn't throw a party to celebrate! If I have a son who turns out gay, well so be it - but don't ask me to be happy - any more than I would be happy if my son quit school to be a bike messenger or pin setter - he gets the love, but not neccessarily the respect or joy.
And don't lie and say you'd be happy if your kid was gay or transgendered - because you wouldn't...