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• Monday, November 13, 2006 07:49 AM

  Freeing and confining (perhaps)

  I'm right smack in the middle of my 40s, turning 45 next month, and so far the decade's been freeing in a lot of ways: after 20 years of coloring the premature grays, I'm letting my hair go back to its real roots (fortunately, a silvery white), keeping it really short because I like it that way (no fuss)and aren't obsessing about those extra pounds as much as I used to. I'm damned grateful to be here, more than a decade after cancer, and have a lot to be grateful about, including finally being diagnosed as hypothyroid. (THAT explained a LOT!)

  In the past year, as 45 loomed in my headlights so to speak, I guess I did some sort of assessment of myself, where I am, etc. I've left go of a lot of baggage about unrealistic expectations. Sure, that's left me with a tinge of fear now and then but mostly left me lighter, more flexible in thinking about my future.

  The confining part may be realizing that I'd better beef up that retirement account and that age discrimination may be just around the corner (if it hasn't impacted me already). But perhaps that's more about getting focused on some issues. I dunno...

  Re: being too tired, hell, I was too tired to be young when I was young. Now I feel like I have more emotional energy than I did back then. And that is pretty darned freeing.

  —RatherBRidin' Read RatherBRidin''s other letters
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