Letters to the Editor
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Summer Vacating
Achieving a state of maximum entrophy is a worthy cause.
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Write own!
Rat own Garrison. I have everything I need right here. Well, not yet. I'm still in rainy cold Wellington New Zealand, where I fled with my family in a fit of pique over George W. and his corporate buddies yer-de-yer-de-yer. But now I'm returning to beautiful peaceful Bloomington, Indiana (a small blue oasis in a sea of red), and I have taken a solemn vow never ever to travel again, lest it be to the grocery or the book store. It's just not worth it. It never is. We've been to Fiji and Sydney. Who needs it? Not this Hoosier.
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Where did this weak article come from?!
This dainty article smacks of suspicious surrender. GK's prior articles have vehemence; they're accusatory and probing. So let's say: a popular columnist gets a visit from person X; X tells GK to "back off"; enjoy the days, swing in a hammock. So peaceful, no controversy, no ruffled feathers.
Here's where I get stuck: is 'Person X' the voice within GK to just give up, to stop questioning, to live-a-little, to bag on the attention he's yanked from us with a few controversial essays -- OR -- is Person X the nasty-ass suit from who-knows-who-hired-em that puts your career on a meat chopper in front of you on the table and threatens to mince it? The dude that reminds you what you're supposed to say or not say; and when you're controversial tells you that "talk like that gets you fired!"??
Anyhow, this essay was weak & submissive to the point I have to wonder what motivated it to be written at all. Yeah, yeah, we'd all like to bag on work and go swing in a swing. But when folks actually listen to you for important observation, at LEAST put your disclaimer up front -- that you're bagging on the day (and that no one's making you say these weak canards).
ER
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It's temporary
He'll be back. The tone was weak, like a pause in a battle not a retreat from the war. I reckon GK has a high level of personal integrity, a recognition that with a global voice there comes a certain responsibility, that the reflection of a person can be seen in their actions during times of adversity.
Garrison it's just a reflection of the times we're in. You're a voice. You can choose to use it or not. Don't take it so personally. Won't you be more settled in your heart if you take the hard road? I don't discount that it's an easier life to sip your tea on the porch but that's for other people in other times. We need your voice, all voices like yours, we need a way to build a viable alternative to what we have.
Btw I'm in Australia. Love it. Would recommend all y'all come down here, it's gorgeous. It makes sense. The people still question their government and hold them to account (mostly). We say what we mean and we truly support one another, we're more community oriented than what I've found while living in the US.
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Don't Fear Those Bears
Black bears are very unlikely to hurt you! Next time you're up near the Boundary Waters, G.K., stop by the North American Bear Center (www.bear.org) in Ely, Minnesota. Maybe sign up for one of the (affiliated) Northwoods Research Center's bear courses! You'll get out in the woods and meet real wild black bears and you will find that they're really very nice animals.
As for the flight to Australia.... you're absolutely right. Just when you start thinking you MUST be almost there, you discover that you've still got 7 hours left before you get there. The only thing that saved me was a pocketful of over-the-counter sleep aid tablets and free drinks all the way across the Pacific. (Bless United Airlines for that!). Next time -- I don't care what I have to sacrifice for it -- I'm going at least business class! Australia's VERY cool, though. Well worth the long flight.
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There is a lot to be said for vacationing at home.
If I could only convince my wife of that, I'd be in heaven, or the next best thing. You see, I live in Upstate New York. Within two hours' drive, I have the Thousand Islands, Cooperstown, the Adirondack State Park, and the Finger Lakes wine country. What else would one want?
We have arguably the world's best pizza, chicken rigatoni (riggies) is the local specialty, and the local beer is good enough to make you forget how harsh the winter is.
Traffic jams consist of about six cars or so following an old guy in a large Buick. Noise pollution is virtually non-existent, except for the occasional jackass who absolutely must ride his Harley-Davidson with a straight pipe. The air is clean and fresh, and I have even heard there is decent fishing...somewhere.
My mother thinks I live in a rural paradise, and I'm not arguing with her. Why would I want to go through the pain and anguish of air travel, or countless hours in the car to go somewhere else?
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The Silly Season
Is this the begining of what the BBC call the silly season?
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While I am writing a book...
Perfect - just perfect. Mr. Keillor, you have transcended the arc of American media triumph to dispel rumors of Our Impending Demise.
It is just this kind of release from the shackles of Protestant-tolerance = Righteousness that even the readers need! We now rejoin the show previously interrupted in real time...
"Yes, I did observe that many Americans are supporting the Commander-In-Chief, but they have developed a faint heart for war, especially if it involves the risk of commitment."
"Could you explain your comment further, Ms. Coultron?"
"Of course I can. These ninnies wouldn't dare show their face in an Iraqi bar or cafe like brave reporters have to! They possess little of the stuff that made America great, and so they should be hanged for treason."
"Don't you believe that's a bit extreme?"
"No, not at all. It's the American way. Pass me the sugar, please."
"Sure. Have you ever been in a war zone, Ms. Coultron?"
"Well, not exactly. They put me up at the Beverly Hilton once - just before the commie-pinko Oscars one year. That was hell! All those liberals taking credit for blasting our values... ."
"Perhaps you would prefer some reefer now?"
"Oh, yes, yes - this stuff is great! I remember covering the Maui rituals and rites of passage for my grad degree - you know, surfboarding - and we had this weed every night, man!"
"Are you feeling more relaxed now, Lorna?"
"You betcha' I am! Sometimes I feel like - like right now - like the liberals are listening in to my conversations, or even - can you believe it? - like they're reading my mind!"
"Stay tuned for more of the Lorna Coultron interview on 'Meet The Fox' - right after a message from our sponsor - The Brain Repulsifier from PharmacyWorld.net."
Have a nice day, everybody. Summer has begun, and so baseball will now replace all ambition.
P.S. My book is almost finished, mom.