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Wednesday, May 17, 2006 12:00 AM

Dear Pope Benedict, I am incensed

I'm not anti-Catholic. I just don't like the way they smell.

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  • Wednesday, May 17, 2006 05:10 AM

    The Old Scout trips and falls.

    Keillor, who is known to older fans as "The Old Scout", slyly omits the context of the neighborhood brawl he tripped over and fell into. Contacted by a frequent guest of his radio show and an old ally with political connections, Keillor thought it would be a nice little hoot to do a folksy fundraiser. He didn't anticipate any opposition because, alas, he's a local celebrity. His account of hordes of picketing Catholic highschool students is wildly exaggerated and he knows it.

    His "commentary" today is merely a desperate attempt to lick his wounds after being berated by other locals and he needs a national platform to do it, for he can't afford to look like a bumpkin as a major film is released. Keillor has always tried to straddle the wire which seperates "The Old Scout" from the valiant community activist he'd like to be, so small-town, yet so cosmopolitan. He even lived in Denmark for a time. It's sad we natives can't share his vision of urban developement, especially in a special neighborhood, where the "preservationists" wish to remove DeLasalle High School altogether and be rid of those pesky kids wandering past the restored rowhouses. Keillor doesn't really hate the Catholic Church. He just hates kids, the mess and the noise, real or imagined. Just ask his.

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