How interesting it is to hear both sides of the issue agreeing on at least one thing: queer or straight, they agree that polygamy is a BAD thing. Hmm. Is it tacit revenge? {I'm not Mormon, so I can see the irony as apparently they can't - in spite of their unconventional marryin' ways, god love 'em!}

I'm not polyamorous (call me old fashioned), but I have friends who are. They are in committed, consentual relationships (and as their Relationship Status states, "it's complicated"). Now THERE'S a sexual minority who aren't making any noise. There's always someone to disdain

Yeah, they're 'free to love' (at least in my state), but ask anyone who has ever been so free

Being 'free' has sounded hollow to me in the past. In military service (for instance) you can be free (sort of, under the UCMJ) as long as you don't bring some things up. Even in 'real life' there's always some palin lurking in middle management somewhere who doesn't like what you are, and if word gets out you don't have a job anymore, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it

So, in the present day, some sexual minorities (like my polyamorous friends) learn to stay shut-up - so, so like some now voiciferous minorities were in the past. They aren't quiet anymore (and neither should they be)

Don't let us argue whether it's a right or a priveledge (or a frequent flyer perq). Marriage has powerful symbolic value - as evidenced by the passion it evokes on both sides of this issue

I have various friends who get 'married' regardless of what the law says; most of them have model committed, consentual relationships (and gosh, some don't; queers can be just as effed-up as straights sometimes - strange, but true). I think of them as married (sans tax breaks and visitation rights). I have relatives who are recognised as married by their State's common law. {They happen to have a fairly committed, fairly consentual relationship.} I think of them as married. My brother and his partner were in common law marriage, but then they decided to 'tie the knot', and now they have their operating license tacked up over the bed. I always thought of them as married before and I still do. And when he adopted her kids - hey, woah - the tax breaks! Yeah! That's love for ya

Darn, I wish my other friends could get the breaks and perqs. Personally, I don't feel like getting married anymore. I was once, but when I came out it came crashing down. Better not to ask; better not to tell (say some). I have a bad taste in my mouth [heh ;-] from my former marriage, so I've gone off the idea, personally. But, gosh darn, I wish my friends could get married - all of 'em. They're such good people - the kind you could trust 'till the end of the Earth

Those Iowans who spoke of fairness, I'm with them

P.S: Yeah, I'm from the Midwest, and now I live in a big metropolis on one of the aforementioned coasts. And, hey, I made jokes about 'fly-over America'. I'll quit it - partially out of respect but mostly out of homesickness now. The reason I left is a good one. Living with queers in the city has it's advantages; I never did like the 'don't ask don't tell' mentality; it's pretty opressive. But I wish I could have stayed where I was with the same freedom

Nobody likes oppression

are you saying that no gay person at all should have anything to say about gay marriage since with the relative few exceptions, none of us have actually been married? Seems like a strange stance to take, "You've never had the opportunity to do this so your opinion is not valid."

I was in a relationship with a woman, then I had a summer of flings with men and women and now I am in a relationship with a man. Despite popular misconceptions, bisexuality is a real thing. While i did not know the name of it, or the politics behind it, I was well aware at 6 years old that the idea that you could only love a boy if you were a girl was patently absurd. There were a few pointed discussions about "how things are" and as with most things, I just figured I'd wait til I was an adult and I was the only boss of me.

And that's exactly what I did.

I look across my dating history, my crushes, my flirtations and even my broken hearts and on the surface it would seem that none of these people had anything in common. They were tall, or short or fat or thin or balding (I really do like a receding hairline on men, don't know why) or had full heads of hair. A couple were considerably older, none were much younger than a couple years. They were different races and backgrounds.

The common theme is that they were bright and clever, they made me laugh, they could carry on insightful conversations or laugh at infantile humor.

I fall in love with people, not with genders. My relationship with David is no more 'straight' or 'gay' in my eyes than any of my other relationships. I would say it's insulting to have you tell me what I can or cannot have a valid opinion on, but you've already proven that you argue from inside a bucket labeled "ME ME ME ME". I'm sure that your arguments make sense to you, but frankly, your cries of "how will this affect me?? how will this affect MY marriage??? OH NOES!!! the gays will be the same as me!!" and the stampings of your little Buster Browns on the pavement is becoming a joke.

If you are so insecure in your own marriage that my activities could change yours "I didn't get married so that I could be...blah blah blah" that's not my problem. That you think it is acceptable to tell me that I should not be allowed to marry a person that I love simply because of your childish insecurities is laughably selfish and ignorant.

Honestly, I don't give a good goddamn about your fears and insecurities. No one is going to break in and make you be gay! No one is going to take you down to the happiness reassignment center and kick you until you are unhappy. No one is going to stop calling you "wife", in fact I think people will just continue to call you whatever they've been calling you all along. I know I will.

Maybe you need to take a few deep breaths and realize, you're just not as important as you think you are. Your fears or religion or traditions are just that...yours. That you happen to share them with an ever diminishing group of people doesn't make them any more important than my own. Allowing a group that isn't yours to have a fundamental right does not take anything away from you.

Well, it shouldn't, but I've been reading your letters for a while. At this point I am pretty sure that is same sex marriage is legalized you're on the schedule for losing the better part of your liver, half your 'good dishes', your favorite sneaker shoes and the ability to chew licorice. Sorry, but maybe you should lighten up.