CNBC's pundits are exactly like the "professional" ex-blackjack players who write books about how to beat the bank.

Because, while in truth you cannot beat the casino, there's money to be made lying to others about how, if you just follow the simple rules I lay out in this book, you too can be a blackbelt in blackjack!

That's all Jim Cramer is: a losing gambler who stumbled upon the only game you can actually win in gambler-town, selling "systems" to people who haven't, yet, lost everything.

Because -- and this is the logic that flaws all such "secret veteran knowledge" -- if you really knew how the market (or the cards) actually worked, why would you tell anybody else? Because you're just a heckuva guy?! Not buying it. Because you've got a book (or TV advertising) to sell? There ya go.

Cramer's action horizon is 3 weeks to 3 months max. He is not a buy and hold investor, never has been. If you're horizon is 3 weeks then what matters is what happens today, tomorrow and next week TO THAT GIVEN STOCK.

Am I going too fast? Did you not get that?

Someone (and I don't remember whom) described CNBC as "financial porn." People watch it because it's fun and entertaining, but that's all. Cramer is the hardest core of it.

1. Figure out every buy and sell recommendation Cramer has every made and bounce it against the market. See how a person who did everything Cramer said to do would have fared.

2. For each buy recommendation, choose a stock at random and buy it.

3. For each sell recommendation, sell one of your stocks, again at random.

See how Cramer would fare against random chance.

My guess is: worse. But by now, the markets are so devastated, it would be a case of being down 95 percent vs. 98 percent.

Or, as Jon Stewart put it, if you followed their advice you would have a million bucks, assuming you started with a hundred million.

I seriously doubt if the sum of all Cramer and CNBC's blather is anything but toxic.

Jim Cramer is the Rush Limbaugh of financial television: bloviate nonsense at high intensity in order to bump ratings. And bash President Obama while they're at it---every punk thinks he's smarter than the grownups.

Yes, Cramer's an idiot who has called the bottom the whole way down. If you want to understand the market, read William O'Neill or listen to Gary Kaltbaum. They stress a pragmatic approach that starts with looking at the direction that the market and sector is going before picking a stock. And they don't pretend to know what prices will be six months from now. Right now picking a stock to buy is like trying to swim upstream. You may be the fastest swimmer, but better to be a slow swimmer going with the current. Anyone who even uses the word 'Buy' right now is deluded.

I don't think so. I totally enjoy watching it because I've been out of the market, except for gold options, since the early fall of 2008. I thought the market was collapsing and followed the general consensus that gold would be extremely volatile.

It's called schadenfreude!

I don't watch Cramer but I never miss Kudlow. Every single night that he is on, he finds reasons to believe that the free enterprise system is working. And that tax cuts will make everything even better. This happens every single night regardless of what happens in the world or the markets.

Every time the Dow goes down another 1,000 point, he says "now is the time to pick up remarkable bargains."

It is great humor!

Ahead of the nomination, ahead of Super Tuesday, ahead of Iowa.

Ahead of journalists, ahead of Clinton, Huckabee, Giuliani, McCain, et al.

Ahead of the superdelegates and the voters.

Ahead of the Las Vegas bookmakers (and those across the world)

Ahead of pretty much every single person on earth.

The markets knew.

Wow. Just wow.

If the editorial assistant writes an article, does that mean there's no fact checker on duty? There are so many inaccuracies in this article, I don't know where to start. Ok, I'll start with the fact that the market closes at 4pm, not 4:30pm. Seriously, how do you get that one wrong?

the real world. I listen to the elite pundits who talk about America and what Americans, particularly young ones, are like, what they think and feel, and I know the pundits do live in another world. I teach at a community college and my students and their parents are nothing like the Cramer's and the Cokie Robert's portraits. On the most simple level, they know nothing about computers, don't care about politics, or Obama, or John McCain. They aren't frightened because they either don't know about the trouble they face or think it has nothing to do with them. They worry about: being single mothers; getting another DUI and losing their licenses and thus having no way to get to school or work; losing child care; being stalked or beaten; not getting child support; losing their food stamps; or Pell Grants that don't stretch. They spend too much time partying and getting drunk. They are bored by everything not within the circumferences of their navels. They are unprepared for college, for work, and for life with a few exceptions. Those exceptions are often wonderful, but they are exceptions.

It's so please excuse the typos.

it's late

Thanks for the wonderful article. I read an analysis piece last weekend (sorry I forget who to attribute it to) that CNBC is trying the same tactics that Fox News did during the Iraq War.

Anyway, I am glad that more people are posting critical analysis of CNBC. I watch CNBC to learn more about financials, but after a year of watching it, I realized I was not learning much. After this whole debacle with Stewart and the Daily Show, I now realize why.

Thank you for the analysis, and I am sorry you had to endure 12 hours of CNBC, but your efforts helped me!