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Evidently, you have some serious deficiencies in your educational experience. Perhaps that helps to explain why you sound like such an arrogant know it all.
Pick the wrong topic of debate, and I'd bet that an authentic conservative intellectual could pin your ears back. Not that they're very plentiful these days- they're very nearly absent from the comment section of Salon- but such thinkers are not to be dispensed with as easily as you so breezily claim.