Read other letters about this article

• Friday, August 22, 2008 06:52 PM

  ! ! ! APB ! ! ! ........ JUST IN ...... Cub Reporter Professor Soup of ZAP COMIX Reiterates LAST YEAR'S Bombshell Forecast - - -

  [** Democratic Campaign Substation : Larimer Square, Denver. The Candidate sits nervously, tapping his pencil on his desk as his Loyal Band of Rooters leave the room. The candidate reaches over to turn on his desk radio and tune into Public Radio **]

  PUBLIC RADIO:

  ". . . "B.O." OBAMA HAS NAMED - JUST A HALF-MOMENT AGO - NATIONAL SECURITY GURU JOE BIDEN AS HIS RUNNING MATE . . . STOP . . .

  ". . . SENATOR CLINTON STORMS OFF OUT OF THE RADAR SCREEN AFTER TELLING SENATOR HUSSEIN (sic) WHERE HE CAN STUFF HIS OFFERS TO HEAD THE STATE OR JUSTICE DEPARTMENTS . . . STOP . . .

  ". . . NEXT WEEK McCAIN WILL COUNTER BY ANNOUNCING THAT SECRETARY RICE WILL JOIN HIS TICKET AS HIS VICE PRESIDENTIAL RUNNING MATE . . . STOP . . .

  ". . . PROFESSOR SOUP'S NOVEMBER PREDICTION HAS THE GOP WINNING BY A NOSTRIL'S HAIR . . . STOP . . .

  ". . . AMERICA'S EYE-POPPING, TONGUE-WAGGING 'SALONISTAS' FALL BACK FLABBERGHASTED . . . STOP . . .

  ". . . AMERICA'S DELUSIONARY SALONISTAS JUST DIDN'T "GET IT" . . AGAIN !! . . . STOP . . .

  ". . . PROFESSOR SOUP'S PRESIDENTIAL FORECASTS HAVE BEEN RIGHT ON THE BEAN SINCE 1972 . . . STOP . . . SUCH BEING THE YEAR HE CAST THE FIRST OF MANY VOTES FOR MISTER NADER OF WASHINGTON D.C. . . . STOP . . .

  ". . . PROFESSOR SOUP ONCE AGAIN PLEADS FOR THE PARTY TO WISE UP . . . STOP . . .

  ". . . MUMBLINGS OF "NADER IN 2012" ARE DESTINED TO BE DROWNED AWAY BY THE "SPILT DINOSAUR TEARS" OF TWENTY-O-EIGHT . . . STOP . . . . . .

  . . . THAT IS ALL . . . "

  The Candidate jumps to his feet and grabs his cellphone.

  B.O. HUSSEIN (wildly thumbing the digits on his cell)

  "Darnit !!! .... DARN, DARN DARN !! ... Who da heck went and ...

  CELLPHONE: (Call-Forward Tune)

  "It's Howdie Dootie Time .. La-La-La Happie Time ... and Clarabell's Wit Me ... And Doin Duty Time !! ......... Its Howdie Dootie Time .. La-La-La Happie ... and Clarabell's --- "

  OBAMABUTT No. 12,482: (nervous, voice shaking)

  "Yes Boss ??"

  B.O. HUSSEIN (bellowing)

  "I told you People to keep the Lid on this thing till tomorrow morning !!! "

  OBAMABUTT No. 12,482: (wimpering with a hard gulp)

  "I know, I know ..... but its been a bad two weeks .... People are getting jittery .... Sir"

  B.O. HUSSEIN (softens tone)

  "So ... What's the Skinny ?? What's Wuffy saying ??"

  OBAMABUTT No. 12,482: (takes a hard breath)

  "There've been rumors .... CNN picked up on it .... apparently more than a few have bolted for the Nader Camp."

  B.O. HUSSEIN: (blinking wildly at the White House wall photo)

  "Balderdash Number 12,482. -- You give Miz Klinton a call .... offer her something, ... Anything !! .... as long as its Innocuously Inert ... and WAAAAY far away from Washington ... "

  OBAMABUTT No. 12,482: (snaps back with high enthusiasm)

  "Sir, Yes Sir !! ... Something for the Obnoxiously Inept ... I'll get right on it Chief !!" ..... (- pauses -) "You know that Embassy slot in Serbia ?? Well, its still up for grabs"

  B.O. HUSSEIN: (relaxing back in his chair)

  "Hmmmmm .... Yes ... perfect. Best photo-op shot of the campaign. That was her high point Before The Fall. --- See to it."

  OBAMABUTT No. 12,482: (inflating with exhuberance)

  "At Once B.O. !!"

  ..... CLICK .....

  —Cow Head Soup Read Cow Head Soup's other letters
  Permalink
  Flag
  Click "Submit Flag" if you feel this post is inappropriate. Explain why below if you wish.

  Cancel