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“I would not want my first term consumed by what was perceived on the part of the Republicans as a partisan witch hunt …”
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Everyone, please. Slow down, take a deep breath. Now read that quote again slooowly, word by word. If you think you didn’t quite get it the first time, read it again reeeeal slow-like. Is it sinking in? A Presidential candidate actually said that? Not just any Presidential Candidate; No, no, no, a “Constitutional Professor, Harvard Law review Editor, nocturnal wet dream of a certain female NYT op-ed scribbler, and magical mid-wife of ching-chong-Change!….Presidential Candidate, said that.
O.k…o.k. I think I got it now. Since we Americans can’t seem to get enough of reality t.v. I think we’re all unwitting dupes in the greatest Candid Camera skit of all time.
Now follow me here; In 1992, we elect a Democratic President who the Republicans vow to destroy even before he’s told where the Oval Office men’s room is. Without a single R vote he manages to turn massive deficits into massive surpluses, creates 22 million new jobs, and under his leadership Global peace and prosperity break out. Ahh, but after having found the elusive men’s room, he lets a young lady give his pee-pee a peck‘r two. That’s it!! Stop the Government! The people’s business pales in comparison to this crime against Jerry Falwell, Newt Gingrich, Moms Mabley, and the entire civilized world. Three special prosecutors, hundreds of FBI agents, and the entire right wing industrial apparatus worked 24/7 to rid us of this tyrant.
O.k. so now I get it. Those are the rules, and dammit it, we’re a country of rules.
So a short few years later, George (the dolt) Bush stumbles into the White House. Now what he and his merry band of burglars did to our country and the constitution reminds me of the days I lived at 176th. And Jerome Ave. in the Bronx. If a car broke down and the driver went looking for a phone booth (a primitive instrument before cell phones) by the time he came back (about 10 mins.) what was left of his sleek new car was four cinder blocks and a couple of rusty brake drums.
But time marches on and nothing stays the same. And “the rules?” Well they got tweaked a little bit; So now, when the good guys catch the bad guys committing a crime in broad daylight we must ask the bad guys how they “perceive” the situation. Will they be upset? Will we be hurting their self esteem? I know, let’s ask them, and if they say, “don’t you have anything better to do?” we’ll just look our citizens right in the eyes and say, “see, we did all we could, what more could you want?“
Now please pass the poupon.
