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• Tuesday, March 11, 2008 06:49 AM

  Vice for Mr Emperor

  Dear Svutlana,

  I have a big problem and you're the only person in the world who can possibly help me. I paid for sex with some very attractive and talented women, but that isn't the problem: the problem is I was caught and publicly humiliated. I have a long track record of serving the public interest and prosecuting wrongdoers and don't believe that this scandal should derail me, although admittedly I have some fence repair to do at home with my wife.

  What should I do, Svutlana?

  Emperor

  Dear Mr Emperor,

  See Svutlana premature short press conference on television and for sure you extreme stupid mens, Mr Emperor. In Svutlandia prostitution is complete legal, but nobody go for prostitute unless need learn how for have sex. Young boy go or mens who need remedial train. Svutlandia prostitute is nice womens with blackboard, teach material and long list of book for read. Give homework and pass or fail mark at end of intercourse, depend on if have prostitute multiple orgasm. This no one bit easy for do!

  If go for prostitute in Svutlandia and over age eighteen, name is print inside newspaper beside obituary and everybody laugh because say this mens have absolute no idea how for have sex and have for pay someone for show.

  Maybe pay you $4,300 for rent apartment for watch sunset too, Mr Emperor. Svutlana have only one piece vice for you: do wife favour and give nice divorce with big settle so she can find other mens who know how for have sex.

  Svutlana

  —Svutlana Read Svutlana's other letters
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