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• Thursday, January 24, 2008 05:57 AM

  It won't be a hissy fit

  I am a white, 40-something woman from South Carolina, and I have been a volunteer with the Obama campaign since June. I'm not seeing the "overwhelming" support Hillary has among whites in South Carolina, but I'm deeply immersed in the Obama movement, so I'm certainly not getting a clear view of things.

  That said, I am struggling to work through what I'll do if Obama does not win the nomination. I'm a lifelong Democrat, and began this campaign by saying, reflexively, what I've always said, which is "I'll vote for the Democrat in November, whomever that is." But over the past several months I've found myself increasingly uncomfortable with the idea of voting for Hillary. And believe me, I really WANT to be comfortable voting for her if she is the nominee. I have always been loudly critical of those Kucinish/Nader kinds of voters who believe their idealism trumps pragmatism. I still blame the Nader voters for the Bush victory in 2000. So my uneasiness with a November vote if Obama isn't the nominee doesn't make me happy at all.

  I'm still working through this, but right now I think my bottom line is that I have been personally transformed by the Obama campaign, and I'm not willing to go back to politics as usual. The behavior and actions of Hillary, but more to the point, Bill and Hillary, is turning my stomach. It's like looking back at an old boyfriend who was truly icky, despite his charm, and, through the lens of maturity and growth, being almost embarrassed by that relationship. Not a perfect analogy, but the best I can come up with right now. I don't want to go back to that.

  But I am honestly in a quandry, because I know that we'll just have two viable choices in November. I think idealistic voters are choosing their ideals over their right to participate in the collective, and I think that's selfish. So what to do? I honestly don't know. I'll work my ass off this Saturday as part of the Team Obama that's going to get the vote out here in South Carolina, then I'll volunteer somewhere on Super Tuesday, and I'll hope and pray that things fall the way I want them to. If not, I do not want to pray that I lose what I think I have gained from this campaign - the belief that things CAN be different - but if that ember of hope does die, I'll probably vote for the D in November. But I'll be sad that I've lost what I feel right now.

  —Eudora Read Eudora's other letters
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