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Monday, October 22, 2007 12:00 AM

Earth to PETA

Meat is not the No. 1 cause of global warming. Yet our diet is cooking the planet, and one surprising staple turns down the heat.

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  • Sunday, October 21, 2007 08:16 PM

    We Can Crunch Numbers All Day Long

    Reducing right vs. wrong to a set of statistics or a biology class is the perfect way for any given group of us with a vested interest in self-promotion to turn environmentalism into the very thing it should not be: an ism.

    PETA is ridiculous, but so are just about all the rest of us, both those of us who care about the fate of the planet only because it feeds and supports us and gives us a place to hang out, and those who care only about how much profit they can accrue before the whole joint blows up. This article is ridiculous. The problem isn't any one thing, it's all the things we hold dear as we multiply our arrogant ass into the sea.

    Last night I took a walk from my home through the neighborhood and onto the parking lot of the local mall, where I almost immediately found three half-grown deer milling around on the vast asphalt parking lot. Filled first with wonder then soon after that perplexity, I began to realize these little guys had been living somewhere in our midst before all the infill had taken place, and even then they were just doing a magnificent job of adapting to an impossible situation. Now they've been forced onto a parking lot. I can't even imagine where they came from - not now. Twenty or thirty years ago it would have made sense but now...

    The herd needs thinning, and we are the herd. I don't need PETA to tell me that the hunters are wrong about which herd needs to be thinned. In fact, as far as I'm concerned they could be the first to go (PETA? Hunters? You choose).

    The least we could do is slow down. Eventually maybe we could even stop for a brief while. Slow down? Stop? Reproducing. It is we who are responsible for global warming but moreso the rape of Eden. Half of us have no reason to exist,have no clue, have no real life - yes, I'm dismissing the importance of a great part of humanity, at the risk of sounding like a PETA sympathizer, which I am not. Neither am I suggesting a liquidation starting with the stupid and the evil - although many of us are morally down to the task. I am, however, suggesting we quit having children just because it makes us feel "whole", just because babies make us feel like god - for a while.

    The Nova Mob now running the country would like to see us continue to produce betas to continue to feed the machine and fuel their vehicle to leave this globe before it blows. We've done everything else they want without question, we've all sold our souls for a few trinkets.

    We don't need PETA to help us find some novel way to reap the whirlwind. We don't need to say a mass over the carcass of each chicken we consume either - they are clearly here for no other reason than to be served to us, evil, alien creatures who peck each others eyes out and eat anything off the ground. They're so much like us. We can be idiots each in our own way, like so many chickens.

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