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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
I'm a parent whose child is similar to Ashley, and I vehemently support their decision for this surgery. The finger-pointing and demonization of these parents is appalling! I am especially amazed at the comment in the article "What they did to this child takes away her personhood. She's a human being and with that comes all the same rights as you or I have to experience normal development and sexual pleasure." (Dr. Liptak) - are YOU kidding me, this guy works with developmentally disabled children? 'Glad he's not our doc.
What people do not realize is, is that children like Ashley do grow physically, but she has reached a brick wall mentally. She is functioning at a 3 month level - 3 MONTHS! What 3month old infant is experiencing sexual pleasure?
Additionally - what the future holds for Ashley is horrific - once the parents cannot care for her due to her size and weight, she would be at the mercy of an over-burdened questionable foster care system, or worse -warehoused in an institution. Do you really think if Ashley could speak, she would say - gee, I'd like to experience sexual pleasure and don't want to give up my uterus and breast buds? No, she would say - my family loves me, I love being with them and I want to remain with them. If that means keeping me smaller so they can lift and care for me, giving up my uterus, etc. is a damn small price to pay.
In response to the last post.. "In their shoes," how do you know what she would say? That is essentially the question. As parents, we have to do what is best for the child, not imagine what her response would be if she were mentally capable of answering for herself!
Also, I hate to break it to you, but her parents will eventually die. Who will take care of her then? If she is always to have the mental capacity of a 3-month old, she will ultimately end up in the care of another (since the article also states she is expected to have a normal life expectancy.) What is wrong with finding a suitable care facility for your child if you are unable to care for them. Being willing to ask for help when you need it is also a sign of a good parent, whether or not your child is disabled. We all have limitations! Why is that such a bad thing?
It's obvious you either didn't read the article, or didn't comprehend what it was you were reading.
>Ashley is a person with feelings and
>has the right to have aspirations and
>desires just like everyone else.
Ashely doesn't even have what it takes mentally to SIT UP. She will never have aspirations or desires.
I find your profound ignorance appalling.
Apparently, you didn't read my first response or you did not comprehend what you were reading. I agree that she is a person with feelings and that is why I feel the surgery was morally and ethically wrong. I am not ignorant to the fact that Ashley is in need of continued care and will never have aspirations like those who are developmentally "normal", but that does not mean that someone has the right to decide that she does not need the parts that God gave her at birth. Do me a favor and read all of the posts thoroughly before you determine that my opinion is ignorant! Have a great day....
Stop digging.
>I agree that she is a person with
>feelings and that is why I feel
>the surgery was morally and
>ethically wrong.
She isn't a "person with feelings" in any meaningful sense of the word. She can't even react properly to outside stimuli her development is so arrested. My cat is more of a person than Ashley. She's far better able to comprehend her environment, think and aspire than poor Ashley, yet few communities have banned body modifications to housepets (declawing, neutering, spaying, etc.).
Tell me Julie, do you also get as worked up and self-righteous regarding the millions of male circumcisions performed in America every year? Do you think that's morally and ethically wrong?
she is about 9 months mentally, and is naturally small, without a uterus.
This has made it so much easier to care for her, and since we expect to do so into our 70's and maybe 80's, that is a blessing. People don't realize that the connection between parent and child is so strong that if my daughter were to be moved to another place to be cared for because she was too big and heavy to manage, she would probably go into a severe decline and be completely unconsolable at the loss of her family and environment. It would be the equivalent of putting a normal child into a mental institution at the age of 3 or 4. Very cruel in itself. The surgery seems a very small cruelty compared to that.
There are many parents like us who are torn by the choices we must make when we are too old to care for our children, and society does not provide many good choices for us. Anything that delays or removes that horrible day is okay by me and if you think about it, Ashley herself would probably approve too.
What a blessing that these parents were articulate enough to present their case. This child will not be shuttled off to some institute where "professionals" can "deal with" her care. She will be loved and her parents will be blessed with her presence.
Julie said "What is wrong with finding a suitable care facility for your child if you are unable to care for them. Being willing to ask for help when you need it is also a sign of a good parent, whether or not your child is disabled."
Julie - as a mother to a child similar in many ways to Ashley, I know what the cost of care is for a child like her - institutional placement costs my state over $100,000 per year per patient. This is a last resort option. There are no cute little "homes" that care for disabled children -at least in my state. They are warehouse type places, I've visited two of them. And besides, the parents want Ashley with them at home. This is in Ashley's best interest. Does this situation suck? You BET it does, but the parents are doing the best they can in an unbelievably difficult situation.
I would suggest since you are SO vehemently opposed to this, that on Monday morning - you go to your local social service agency and tell them that you want to VOLUNTEER for respite care for a severely disabled, mentally and physically disabled, in a wheel chair adult. No pay - volunteer. You will get an idea of what this is all about. Currently you are talking "parenting" - this is not parenting in any way, shape or form. This is caregiving.
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