A MODEST PETITION IN SUPPORT OF TORTURE (Part 2 of 2)

Lt. Gen. William G. Boykin, God's Chosen Fundamentalist Deputy Undersecretary of Defense for Intelligence

"Facts? I don't need no stinkin' facts. I got faith! My God is bigger than everybody else's, and He told me that we're free to torture Muslim prisoners to get them to say anything we want to hear."

Pat Robertson, God's Self-appointed Spokesman on Earth in our Day

"When God told me that it was a good idea to assassinate President Hugo Chavez in Venezuela, He said it was an even better idea to torture Arabs and Muslims. They've already rejected Jesus' salvation, and God wants them punished, along with those Pennsylvanian heretics who voted for teaching evolution. Maybe the White House will even let my like-minded followers and I burn some at the stake, just like in the good ol' days!"

Pat Roberts, God's Chosen Senator from Kansas

"A lot of voters here in the Bible Belt watch 'The 700 Club' and accept Pat Robertson's medieval brand of religious intolerance, hatred, and bigotry, so to get myself re-elected, I need to follow their wishes to promote the torture of Muslims. So do Wayne Allard (Colorado), Kit Bond (Missouri), Tom Coburn (Oklahoma), Thad Cochran (Mississippi), John Cornyn (Texas), James Inhofe (Oklahoma), and Jeff Sessions (Alabama). Ted Stevens (Alaska) may not be in the Bible Belt, but he's already voted once for torture along with the rest of us, and I'm sure that Big Oil will want him to sign this petition, too."

Karl Rove, God's Chosen Rasputin of our Age

"I've worked hard with President George W. Bush to assemble a rock-solid base of credulous gun-totin', SUV-drivin', Bible-thumpin', Rapture-awaitin', science-rejectin', contraception-and-abortion-opposin', tolerance-refusin', gay-bashin', civil rights-denyin', anti-race-mixin', WWE-watchin', cage-fightin', Fox-News-believin', Rush-Limbaugh-admirin', foreigner-despisin', Muslim-demonizin', militia-joinin', war-lovin' social conservatives. Most of them believe that torture is both fun and legal and that Jesus would surely approve, and most of them still believe anything we tell them. We just can't afford to alienate and lose our political base."

Rush Limbaugh, God's Chosen Drug-impaired Right Wing Talk Show Host

"Dragging naked prisoners with dog leashes? Simulating menstruation on prisoners' faces? Breaking bones with baseball bats? Compelling stress positions in cold cells for 40 hours and then dousing with ice water? Old fashioned fisting? Water-boarding to simulate drowning? Mock executions? Murdering prisoners through blunt force trauma? Suffocating prisoners to death with 'Palestinian-hanging' stress positions and sleeping bags? Posing smiling and thumbs-up with naked prisoners, dead or alive? What's so cruel, inhuman, or degrading about all that? You call that torture? It's no worse than hazing in a college fraternity. Just ask George W. Bush what the Yale Skull and Bones Society did to him for being a sissy cheerleader instead of a real baseball player like his father."

Antonin Scalia, God's Chosen Associate Justice of the Supreme Court

"The Constitution prohibits only 'cruel and inhuman punishment'; it does not say anything at all about torture. Therefore, as a strict constructionist instructed by God, I must argue that there is no constitutional problem whatsoever in the Administration's disregard of the Geneva Conventions or of the UN Convention Against Torture. Surely, my devout interpretation of the Constitution must trump any international obligations mistakenly undertaken by previous Administrations and mistakenly ratified by previous Senates.

"As for the U.S. Anti-Torture Statute (Title 18, Part 1, Chapter 113C), surely it should apply only to U.S. citizens, and even then the President may use his supreme powers as Commander in Chief to deny any and all legal protections to any scumbags whom he chooses--whether they are U.S. citizens or not--for as long as he wants. Just being American need not make our instruments of control too timid to behave like Nazis or Soviets whenever the President, his appointees, and even low-level officials deem it necessary.

"Here ends my reading."

Tom DeLay, God's Chosen Money Launderer and Leading House of Representatives Ethics Violator

"Sure Dick, I'll sign your petition. And just in case those prissy moderates and liberals in Congress cut off the Administration's funding for instruments of torture, do ya'll need some Texas corporate cash to buy more hammers, baseball bats, chains, dog leashes, and water-boards? How 'bout some Texas chain-saws, too, and maybe some electric drills, like our Iraqi Shia friends have been using on Sunni prisoners?

"My buddies Jack Abramoff, Dave Safavian, Mike Scanlon, and Duke Cunningham would like to help with the fund-raising and our usual no-bid procurement contracts and kickback schemes, but they're a little preoccupied at the moment with assorted indictments, plea bargains, and convictions."

George H. W. Bush, Legitimately Elected 41st President of the U.S.

"Barbara and I apologize for bringing our eldest into the world. We did our best to give him decent values, a good education, and the benefit of our experience, but he always refused to listen to us or anyone else--except for Dick Cheney and Karl Rove. We certainly hope that no other Americans will be dumb enough to sign this absurd petition or support its specious reasoning."

I was most relieved to read your article this morning - I thought the American press had gone totally mute on the subject of rendition, kidnapping foreign citizens in their countries and torture, and gulags like Guantanoma.

I am German, born in May 1945 and have lived all my life with the horror my parents generation created and belong to the generation who have fought all our live to ensure that these tragedies do not happen again and am extremely sad and mad to see that the US, the country who tries to impose their morality ???, democracy??? on others, throws the rules of humanity overboard.

Of course Sept. 11, was a tragedy - but there are so many tragedies taking place every day. What right do you have to hold the whole world hostage for this tragedy. You are not fighting for the freedom of others but to impose your very doubtful set of standards on others.

I would love to see the reactions of your citizens if planes landed about 400 times in your country using your territory for illegal purposes.

I will not travel to the US as long as this government is in power - I did not travel to South Africa during the apartheid regime and other countries. Your present government is the pits and in Europe we fail to understand your hero worship of the president - for god's sake he is only a man - so was Hitler and look where that got us.

Kind regards

Linda Kreusel