After being out of the dating game for 20 years, because of a monagamous relationship and, having left that, just doing my own thing, I was in culture shock when romance and sex started happening again in my life. I'm a 50-something woman, but look much younger and am considered quite attractive due to former professional dance career. (I mean, with training, auditions, etc.). But I digress, so I'll get to the point.

Having come of age in the 60s, I had already experienced lots of great sex. So, I was in a gradual slow-mo shock to discover that two boyfriends in a row could not get off on nomral sex BECAUSE THEY LOOKED AT PORNO EVERY DAY!. They volunteered this information to me. They made weird sexual requests, as if I were a whore. They required "servicing". I don't service men. I make love. And, I'm talking about guys that were otherwise funny, smart, cute, romantic, and the chemistry was there, and yes, we were emotionally involved.

I gradually came to realize that they had become sexually numb, and were simply incapable of getting off through normal intercourse, which I still enjoy immensely. I was shocked and disappointed. I'm afraid to think this might be a pattern. But, whose pattern? My only crime was to look good enough to attract men who are extremely visually oriented. It's important to keep that sensory input in perspective. There are other senses, other feelings, other needs, other dynamics.

What is porno, anyway? It's visual depiction of persons having sex. Memo to guys out there--those women are faking it for the money, if not being outright abused. Isn't faking orgasms the biggest turn-off?? Why would you want to watch people do that? Who are those people in porno, anyway? Drug-addicted degenerates who need a quick buck? What do you think really goes on behind the scenes? At least the men in porno get to get off. What about the poor, pathetic females who let themselves be filmed having sex? Are they being forced, or coerced, or just used? Is their self-esteem so low, they don't know a better way to relate to men? Do you care? That porno girl could be your sister or daughter with a lot of make-up.

Think about it. Get real. Ain't nothing like the real thing. If you haven't figured that out by now, you've got a lot of growing up to do.

Your letter must sound reasonable to yourself, maybe even clever or a little superior. But you come off sounding like a know-it-all. News Flash! The world changed while you were off having your 20-year monogamous relationship. You might not know as much about the sexual attitudes or pornography of today as you think you know. And that's hardly a broad sampling, two subjects. Tell me, did you find that response with any other new lovers? Or haven't you collected any more data? Yet you're well informed enough to write a scathing letter of opinion to a national magazine.

The shame is, it's just this sort of self-serving "reasonableness" that has allowed so many strong, intelligent, caring people to be used as mouthpieces for judgemental conservatives. Today you're an apologist for traditional morality regarding sexuality - and you don't even know it. Happens all the time, it's easy to just sound superior and not realize how cruelly we judge others to be wrong so we can think or feel that we are right.

Sixties? You're fakin' it, you're not really makin' it... (Paul Simon)

Signed Anon

Objectively, I have to admit I'm curious about what kind of research Brownback's panelists are citing when they suggest that pornography "had been shown to increase the risk of divorce" and "decrease marital intimacy."

Isn't it just as likely that people in marriages that are lacking intimacy or are headed down the path towards divorce for unrelated reasons, would be more likely to resort to using pornography?

This would hardly be the first time someone confused causation and correlation while trying to make a judgement about something they already had an agenda in mind for.

Look, I like films. Specifically, I like people fucking on film. Having said that, to basically make fun of Sen. Brownback and Sen. Hatch's concern over porn, by chortling about masturbation, misses the point.

Porn SHOULD be no different than any other mindless form of entertainment...It takes a few minutes of the day, gets the stress out, then you move on to the next thing. Some people like online Texas Hold'em or a video game. I like porn. Not weird, freaky porn...just a guy banging a hot girl. Simple, or it ought to be.

But...like any form of entertainment, it is not a stretch to say it can be abused. In the 1980's (and long before), it was actually somewhat difficult for a kid to get a Playboy, much less a hard-core porn movie (and I would make the argument that the Playboy of the '80s taught me to appreciate woman, not objectify them). For a 15-year-old boy of today to be able to have the same easy access to online porn that I do as a grown man, is absolutely wrong.

I cannot imagine how I would have behaved if I, as a 13-year-old, could have surfed porn all day instead of actually going out and living a life. It's not healthy, and if you have your head in the sand and think it's not a growing concern, then I hate to Brownback you, but you're mistaken. Like anything that feels good, the temptation is always there to spend MORE time doing that, and LESS time doing anything actually productive. Of course it can affect a marriage, of course it can affect work; porn can affect anything that it takes time away from - just like booze and drugs.

I like to think I am perfectly capable of having normal, missionary-position sex with my girlfriend without having to fantasize about group sex, anal sex, bestialty or whatever. But I am a man, not a teenager who's never seen a live naked woman before. We build our values and our adult behavior from what we learn and are exposed to when we're younger. Our culture has only begun to deal with the 'pornofication' of everything, so we don't yet know the true, long-term impact, but you can't tell me internet porn is somehow a cultural benefit.

If one wants to argue free speech when it comes to adult-purchased porn, I will be right there beside you...not, of course, with my real name or in person...but, you know, in spirit. But, please, let's not go down the liberal road of 'censorship' when it comes to online porn.

If Brownback and Hatch want to make it their crusade to make it very difficult to access online porn, I have no problem with that. I generally can't stand children, but even a curmudgeon like me knows there's such a thing as grown-up standards and common decency. At least at the adult bookstore, they might know when you're underage.

Yeah, I'm sure the Republicans will go too far and make me look the fool for agreeing with them...but even if they take it all off the internet, at least I'll still have all my video tapes.