I'm grateful that someone has finally tackled the fraught relationships of nannies and employers. I was once a live-in nanny, too.

Fresh out of high school and in desperate need of independence, I went to work for a single mother of three who had lost her husband to suicide a year earlier. I was promised many things that never came to pass (like having a vehicle of my own, having a housekeeper, getting time to go to college), but I kept going in spite of it because I fell in love with the three children in my care.

The hardest part of being a live-in nanny is drawing the boundaries. As a young woman, I wanted to have a boyfriend, but couldn't have anyone overnight since my quarters were in the family quarters. I wanted teach the children things, like potty training, but had to face the battle with the mother who didn't care if her youngest was toilet-trained even though she was well past the age of three and ready. I also had to confront my own issues with living apart from my parents for the first time, but not really being independent.

Most of the nannies I knew back then were as over-worked and underpaid as I was. Parents seemed to think that we spent our days stuffing our faces with candy and watching soap operas. I wanted to take college classes while the kids were in school, but the promised transportation (a car of my own) wasn't there. I couldn't afford one, either. I tried various things, but nothing ever quite worked out. I even had to take a part-time job because I was so broke.

The second family I cared for was a little better, but also kind of a mess. I was told at first that taxes were being taken out of my pay, then learned, just as I was about to file, they had not been. Also, the second family had a newborn and wanted me to get up to feed her all hours of the night so they, a working pair of lawyers, could sleep. I had to draw the line, especially when all that was offered in return was an extra hour of sleep.

I learned many things about myself and others through those jobs. I learned I didn't want children of my own. I learned that any time someone pays you to do anything, there is a shift in the balance of power and you are immediately controlled by them because of it.

It's been nearly 20 years since I stepped away from that world. It was bittersweet; I lost touch with the children I cared for and felt a bit cheated because of that. Also, I often felt there was so much more I could have been doing with my life if the parents I worked for had not wished to control me so much--like withholding transportation or underpaying me. Sometimes, because of my age, I was treated as a child. It was very frustrating.

The best part of the experience was knowing that I did a pretty good job with my charges who often told me they loved me and I easily said it back. I still love them all, wherever they may be. I hope we can continue to hold each other in our hearts.

You have a really interesting story. I enjoyed that. Thanks.

I've been a nanny for the same family for the last 4 years. It has been the best, hardest, most strange, and most wonderful job of my life. There will never be anything like because there isn't anything like it. The article described it perfectly....you're family but you aren't. You're a parent but you aren't. There are a few things that I truly am though. I am truly a part of these kids' lives forever. I am truly invested in their health, well-being, and overall growth. I love them as if they were my own. I dread the day I will have to move on...but just like in the movie...someday the winds will change. I'm almost certain that I'll be ok...but I'm worried about them. Not because they don't have great parents because they do...but because two of them have known me since birth basically. It's Mom, Dad, and me. And someday I'll have to go. If I could work here until they were all teenagers I would...but that's unrealistic.

How does a child conceptualize and understand that one of their most central caretakers isn't coming back on a daily basis anymore? They are strong and smart so I'm sure they will understand with time...but I imagine it's going to be a tricky transition to navigate. Or maybe they will surprise me and move through it with ease. I hope for that. But in the mean time I can't help but wonder. I wish that there were more places for nannies to share and support one another. I wonder how other people have dealt with moving on. I hope to be as graceful and accepting as Mary Poppins! :)

For our kids, simply because the nanny relationship seemed so fraught. And we had a really awesome daycare option. But I was glad to have it and not to have an employee in my home!

the very notion of hiring someone to care for your offspring so that you can perform more prestigious, remunerative and ostensibly "valuable" activities that grates on me, not least because of the heavy overtones of classism and elitism that are encompassed in the practice.

Employing a nanny is an avoidance exercise, a way to escape the challenging labors of childrearing by concentrating on the far easier task of controlling an employee, one who is in an economically and socially weak position. Best of all is when this employee lives in your home and is totally beholden to your agenda.

"There is something about the very notion of hiring someone to care for your offspring so that you can perform more prestigious, remunerative and ostensibly "valuable" activities that grates on me, not least because of the heavy overtones of classism and elitism that are encompassed in the practice."

When a man does it, or when a woman does it? Or when a couple does it? Would it bother you less if the children were in daycare? With grandma or an aunt? Or do you really think it's best for one parent to give up his or her career entirely, regardless of whether it's prestigious, remunerative, or "valuable"?

Newsflash: In most families in the U.S., both parents work. Doesn't really matter whether it's for prestige, fulfillment, or just to pay bills and have reliable medical insurance. What do you propose?