six figure incomes, three homes and she still left over money issues. She grew up poor and squirled away every penny, I grew up middle class, and liked to spend mine. My finacial plan was to sink as much into real estate and not into a bank. Our property would fund our retirement. When we finally got divorced, my half funded my new airplane. Maybe she was onto somthing.

Enjoyed your story. I hope they paid you for it.

I now have the coolest much younger girlfriend. Ha!

This just in! Spoiled girl has epiphany; realizes the world doesn't exist for her sole pleasure and money doesn't just fall into her precious hands.

Geez, this is more like the plot of a cliched romance short story than anything else.

Ladies, get a grip. Either step up to the plate and be mature, or go back into the fairy tale. You have to take care of yourself first and then do what you can for others. Thank goodness she's now able to have both a hot romance and security, whew!

This excerpt made me a little sick, actually. That she loved slumming with this guy and made her parents pay for the wedding -- what's that about??!! -- is immature at best.

This is a bad enough story to make a crummy theatrical movie aimed at teen girls! Go for it. They'll eat it up.

thank god she found her heart. I was beginning to think straight people are truly lost souls. Do straight white women really think, "I love you, only if you have money"? Maybe people need to see or read, Revolutionary Road. It is an indictment of that sad type of thinking.

Craig and I have been together without a marriage certificate for 24 years and we never really have had any money. Wayne

This essay is a plea for a pat on the back and a cookie for being oh so grown up to accept this flawed money machine of a man. It's nauseatingly self-congratulatory.

Of course the 'happy ending' only came when jobs and money appeared.

And by the end of 2009 they may disappear again. Then what?

You see, for the vast majority of humans, past behavior is indicative of future behavior. We're not talking about something like leaving the toilet seat up. The leitmotif that runs through Marisa's whole essay is money, comfort and entitlement.

For her, there are CORE needs - she pretty much admits it. And they will out again in the future when they are threatened again.

There is a thin and very fragile lattice work holding this relationship together.

The problem really isn't Marisa. She's merely the product of a rapacious American capitalist system, lacking a decent safety net, which deforms us as human beings and replaces the values of human decency with an inexorable compulsion to put a price tag on everything - groceries, friendships, marriages.

When we operate from a 'what's in it for me' mentality, stories such as Marisa's are the obvious result. And the replies of her defenders are telling as well - and understandable as well.

It takes an awful lot for Americans today to see each other as anything but economic units in various stages of usefulness. Sure we all want what we think is love, we all want companionship, a hand to hold and a person to wake up with every morning.

But we attach (both men and women to be fair) so many conditions on who that would be based not on personal behavior, integrity, intelligence, sense of humor, fidelity, etc., but on what this person can do for me in terms of status (including looks) and wealth.

The former are secondary characteristics, or what some dating sites would rate as 'nice to have' while the latter is a core requirement.

And our societal inculcation into holding these beliefs are so subtle, yet so thoroughly reinforced by all the mouthpieces of the dominant society, that we don't even realize that, for many of us, they have become our default settings.

Perhaps the only benefit of the coming hard times (hopefully) is we'll be so leveled back to our basic human condition that we'll see each other as people and not social and financial multipliers. It's either that, or, I fear the level of suicides will begin a sickening spike.

We have a choice - we can find the human qualities in ourselves or others and come to people with a mutual respect and spirit of cooperation and toleration or we will hew ourselves to pieces as a society on the wreck of longing for what was, rather than what could be.

I was supposed to marry a man who could easily fill in the financial holes that would inevitably arise as I pursued writing. I pictured myself working at a comfortable pace, taking only the assignments that excited me and outlining the book I'd one day write. And when we had our first baby, of course I would stop working, for at least a good few months. This was how it was supposed to be. This was the plan.

It's amazing to me how many women share this "plan" - without even realizing it. Too bad for their partners who, as the de facto primary breadwinners, will never have the luxury of picking and choosing freelance gigs. And we wonder why Congress is only just getting around to ensuring equal pay for women.

Good on you, Marisa, for doing what makes most sense for you and your husband given your varying temperaments and professional goals. Screw the plan!

Well said!

because the husband couldn't man up and get a job.

It's hilarious that you people are so quick to judge her for wanting to be supported while she wrote a book or raised their kid while she let him sit on his ass all day for months doing nothing.

Do you guys really think there were no jobs in New York he could have taken during that time? Really?

Sure are a lot of judgmental people out there. I found the essay to be honest and brave and saw their marital problems resulting more from a romanticized view of life than personal weakness or whining. Economics is a major factor in any relationship and this couple seemed oblivious to it as long as the lust was fresh. I give author kudos for accepting her responsibilities, getting a full-time editorial gig, and staying in the marriage. They were able to come to terms with their differences and compromise. But sometimes all that anger and arguing is symptomatic of a mismatched relationship.