I think that more young (or even not so young) women should be exposed to memoirs like this one. It's a sad fact that even in our modern days with modern feminists that most of these thoroughly modern women still resent men who can't take care of their financial problems.

Marisa evidently fell into this trap too, but she saw her way through it and correctly concluded that she was part of the problem and then set about doing what she could to make things easier, not only for her husband, but for herself as well.

It's empowerment, of a sort, and a good example of how gender stereotypes can paralyze a person who "ought to know better".

Personally, my wife and I struggled through a very long and terrible period where I wasn't allowed to work, or even look (9 months waiting on a Visa) and then 2 more months of me looking, all the while living with her mother and her mothers disagreeable partner. We got through it because we never were material people and both of us had grown up pretty dirt poor - it really does help to have common experience in this area.

Anyway, I doubt that we would have been able to see our way to the other end if she had started to resent me for things that I had no control over based on an idea that is fundamentally unfair. If, after all, I don't expect her to be wearing pearls and waiting for me at the door with dinner, she shouldn't expect me to meet all our financial needs - correct?

My wife gets this. I get this. It seems like Marisa here gets it as well. This is good, it's called progress. Now, we just need to wait while everyone else catches up to us.

Can;t be true that your parents spent big chunk of their retirement on your wedding while your father hasn;t spoken to you in years.

Certainly a lot of what she had to say about what she went through the first 8 months of her marriage sounds immature and ridiculous, BUT

Most of it happened in her head. The rehearsed speech to her parents happened IN HER HEAD.

You people know that things that only happen in your head are not real, right?

Real things happen outside people's heads, where they can be (theoretically) experienced by other people too. Outside your head, they matter. Literally, matter. Get it?

In the head = not real, doesn't matter.

Out here where everyone gets to play = real. Does matter.

In less than a year, out here in the world where it matters, the writer managed to pull it together with her husband and solve some very real compatibility problems. I know people that couldn't manage to solve pettier, simpler problems in eight years. She had some immature and irresponsible thoughts and fantasies along the way, but she kicked them aside and got over them. She's a good lady.

You are lucky he didn't ditch you when he got to see hoe shallow and petty you are. What is a four letter word that starts with the letter with C? You should be ashamed.

Too often we are expected to be perfect; as much our own expectations as others. So when other than perfect feelings arise we judge ourselves harshly, we hide, we become silent. Perhaps that judgment and hiding is what bred your anger? I am sure I would resent someone if I thought they were the source of my shame.

But you took the time and effort to seek out a solution and perhaps find the source of your feelings. Too many people just accept the anger and resentment they feel as insurmountable fact. "I resent my spouse therefore I must leave him/her" instead of seeking the source of resentment, which is always internal, and dealing with it. At least in the end, if one must still leave, one has cleared the air and eliminated one's own resentment.

Again, you chose a different path and seemed to have learned from it. Perhaps you should continue to explore the source of your anger during that time. You seemed to have touched on it a couple of times: fear and loss. Fear of the dark, unknown future and loss of hope that comes with uncertainty. You seemed to recognize your part in these emotions instead of simply blaming your circumstance and that of your husband.

Very wise, indeed. Thank you for sharing.

Where are you getting this?

She chose the other path. She didn't ditch him. She got a job that produced a steady income.

I realize it's rare in these lifestyle pieces in Salon for the woman to actually achieve a real life lesson (and an editor who had more going for her than "love" would pick them more carefully), but there's really no question she did.

Let's support people who choose to grow up. Let's save our viciousness for people who refuse to grow up, continue to blame everybody but themselves for their situation, and consider their constant whining to be an example of the highest courage.

Seriously, save it for Mary Williams' next appalling piece about how she's a brave saint that the world owes a comfortable living just because she's so bloody fabu.

Reading this story I am reminded of how lucky I am to have been married for 22 years to a woman who bravely and uncompromisingly looks at herself before searching elsewhere for the roots of her problems. A woman who does not fully accept me for who I am because she knows I can always be better to myself, and who urges me down that path. A woman who doesn't hesitate to reveal her fears and her passing moments of self-loathing, who isn't afraid to seek the strength in acknowledging one's own vulnerability.

The writer of this piece shows promise to develop into a mature woman like that, but she's still in kindergarten (he said smugly.)

Eat Love Pray in essay form. At least it wasn't as long.