"That may be pretense, but we're all into that most of the time anyway, consciously or otherwise."

This is the sort of statement I like to encounter in these threads. AJCalhoun aimed at Ms. Belger and then turned the gun on (him)herself. That's humble and decent.

For all of you who seem to think that Ms. Belger is a pipsqueak, Google informs otherwise. So, on top of her rich upbringing, you can also envy her considerable-at-29-years-of-age success.

I'm now on Ms. Belger's side, whether it's Ms. Walsh's call for love and kindness or to counterbalance the considerable weight of those who are certain they're superior to Ms. Belger, or just because, if we're all blind and we want a shot at understanding something strange, we've got to feel more than one thing:

http://www.noogenesis.com/pineapple/blind_men_elephant.html

If a man isn't willing and able to support me, why would I even consider marrying him.

Golddiggers like you give the rest of women a bad name.

If a man made a statement like that, he would be shred into pieces, but this is Salon, when women are angelical creatures that can do no harm.

I completely agree about the letters denouncing the transformation of Salon into an Oprah clone. Several weeks ago, there was an article called "Bush is back" which treated the fascinated issue of female pubic hair. How self-absorbed is that?

While I am a professional and have come in contact with people like Marisa Belger, I can hardly imagine living among the upper class on a daily basis. Better that I should just throw electronic rocks from the security of my tiny studio apartment, because this person is surely a monster of the foulest kind.

I read your comment and I had a good laugh, because I found myself agreeing with mostly all of it. But I wondered, what is causing that reaction?

None of us on this thread personally know Ms. Belger. She might very well be a wonderful person with a kind heart and vibrant mind. So the negative comments -- and indeed, my own negative reaction to the piece -- is not directed at Ms. Belger personally. And I hope that she doesn't take anything written here personally.

Rather, the ire is directed to what she represents, as someone writing from a certain class with a certain set of experiences to which many of us cannot relate.

It is a bit like the lady of the manor coming to visit the peasants and lamenting about the difficulties of manor life, to people who have toiled day-in-and-day out; indeed, to people who are treated, mostly, as props in the self-contained perspective of the privileged. Sympathy is hard to come by in such an environment.

Personally, I am glad that Ms. Belger stuck with her husband. I hope she has a wonderful marriage and relationship with him. I think it is in bad taste to wish otherwise. But, if she wants more sympathy, she should consider her audience. As I wake up every morning, struggling to pay my bills, with reduced pay, with longer hours, with more anxiety, having always been confused by the behavior of fair-skinned well-off women (from grade school on up) and the choices they appear to make in their lives, I find it difficult to look into my heart and find sympathy for the perspective brought by this writer. I know a lot of couples who, once married, are miserable because they just wanted to "get married" and have the big ceremony and be the center of attention, then find themselves miserable when they actually think about the choice they made. Guess what the next big un-thought-through decision is (other than divorce)? Kids. And the cycle repeats, and repeats.

In any event, it's a good thing that someone has learned to take responsibility for a decision. We should all be doing a lot more of that.

So sorry, I do not buy the fairy tale or the happy ending. This marriage is doomed.

Next question.

Into which orifice do we stick the quarter to get our answer? Never mind, I think I know.

Never marry or even become involved with a person from a different social class than you.

If you marry, as a previous poster termed them, an American Prince or Princess, the spoiled brat is going to demand you furnish them with the same expensive standard of living as their Mommies and Daddies provided.

And if you can't, like Paul Belger? Then odds are your pampered upper-crust spouse will drop you like a hot potato.

(Incidentally: I wonder if the main reason Marisa decided to stay in the marriage was to write about it? After all, it's hard for rich white American girls to find dramatic inspiration for their stories, seeing as their lives offer no real problems...Gossip Girl, anyone?...on which to craft tales)

Bottom line: middle-class folk are happiest with middle-class folk. And spoilt, coddled rich brats should just do the world a favor and pair off only with their pampered peers. I'm guessing this would tremendously decrease the divorce rate and so on.

After reading your posts, I can safely say:

Re your money problems: boo frickin' hoo. When you get evicted from your apartment, your medical bills go into collection and your "friends" desert you, then I will whip out my violin for you, O upper-class gentry.

Until then: kiss the collective working-class, blue-collar butt of the masses and I.

Just stand-up awesome (he said).

I don't disagree with you, bigguns. All in all, I agree with you more than I disagree: I also think people have to know what life is like.

But... It's not as simple as representing cynicism against love and hope. You're putting it in black and white, forgetting nuance.

Think of this: despite the happily-ever-after ending, it may be that Ms Belger now understands there are dragons out there. It may be that she knows she and her husband will face them. The ending does not so clearly say the opposite to me, as it did to you.

So maybe, maybe--it is as you wish. It may be that Ms Belger is not starry-eyed anymore, but actually a little more practical and less naive.