I think you're right about the Internet unraveling decency. It allows us to be at our worst, asserting things we'd never say in person, and pretending to intimacy. I've seen so many threads where regular posters pretend that other posters are their friends and sites like Facebook even apply to word, "friend," to strangers.

I also agree that Ms. Belger was born into circumstances, as we all are, and faulting her for that isn't simply silly: it's unfair and ugly.

I wish I had something more for you other than agreement.

How about admiration?

Admiringly yours,

Bigguns

You redeemed yourself at the end, lady, but just barely. I've been in Paul's shoes, so maybe I'm biased, but I can honestly say I'd never abandon my woman if the roles wer reversed. I know that might be easy to say for the one who isn't earning, but it always seems it's the ones who were spoiled as kids who are the most selfish and the quickest to bail out.

It could not have been easy, both to write this piece and to put it out for the world to read (hope you got so nice money for it). Please ignore the vitriol of other posters here, some people are most alive when indignant. Good luck and may your love and marriage last to the end of your days.

Please don't complain about the fact that your wife and "her son" are your responsibility. Last time I checked, they're your family. Frankly, your post sounds like something from that embittered murderer Pardo who recently killed 7 people from his ex-wife's family. He also didn't want to pay to support his wife's children once they married. Classy, huh?

The bottom line: You have the wrong attitude toward family and marriage. if you want it to improve, look to change yourself.

It allows us to be at our worst, asserting things we'd never say in person, and pretending to intimacy.

That pretty much sums it up, I think, far more succinctly than I ever could. People are pretending to intimacy with Paul Belger and asserting things they'd never say to Marisa Belger's face.

Seriously, how many of the men who claim to relate to Mr Belger have employment histories that consist of a series of short-lived jobs, had a bit part in a movie no one has never heard of, surfed in California, went to Burning Man, and married a rich girl whose parents paid for a lavish wedding? Seriously?

Because that's not the men I know. This is not to say that he's a bad guy necessarily, just that I don't think he's anything resembling average.

Normally Salon is a serious source of insight; once in a while, it just seems to throw something (or someone) like this at us to see us react. OK, Salon: funny. We get it. Bimbo, living her Pottery Barn fantasy of a life with prince charming (we have to assume Paul has the physical goods, if not the career and income, to meet her pre-set requirements to spend parents' money on a Beautiful People wedding). Hard times arrive and plates no longer used for eating are thrown against walls. Did she go into a fetal position at some point? But of course.

I feel no sadness for Paul -- he probably regrets marrying this woman, but we all make mistakes. I feel sadness for Marisa, as her writing career is clearly going nowhere and her looks are fading much faster than Paul's. If she were to write honestly about her life as a bimbo instead of the present disappointment, it might be worth reading.

....but I almost wonder if this isn't a macro, big picture anthropological or whatever correction in our fucked up society.

Due to the fascismesque takeover by the corporate aristocracy (who just LOVED the idea of feminist paternalism--worked out great for them), males in our society are basically NEUTERED if they would like to have much more than a sustenance existence. In order to become successful, men rising up through the ranks basically have to act stereotypically female----shut up, sit down, sit still, submit, be passive (both generally and particularly sexually) obey....etc.....and if they step more than the least bit out of line (being "wild", or, God forbid engaging in man defining PHYSICAL AGGRESSION, even decking some prick who desperately deserves it) , by the tyranny of the database, they are blackballed from most employments----anyone sophisticated enough to run a credit/criminal records check

Consequently, who still gets to engage in sexy woman attracting (even little princesses of the aristocracy---still ANNIMALS and drawn to as jfk943 put it "who throws the best spear"---or at least ACTS like they can) MALE behavior? Fuck ups, losers, screw ups......party boys, thugs, domestic abusers, drug dealers, self involved narcissistic slackers.........

It amuses me very much to think of the aristocracy laid low over the course of 5-6 generations by their daughters breeding with unemployed actor wanna bees, ghetto thugs, bartenders with 3 DUI's who live their parents........

V V

Income is the essence of a good relationship? Goodness....

Shared experiences and maturity is the essence of a good relationship.

I wrote one of the first letters on this thread, and left out a lot. I left out the Dx of Bipolar 9 years ago, the botched open heart surgery 4 years ago, the Dx of C-PTSD 3 years ago, the Dx of Marfan Syndrome last year. Now the 9 months of unemployment. I thought, maybe they will think she is just staying on out of loyalty or pity, so my message will drowned in an uncomfortable silence before folks move on to the next letter.

Maybe. But I haven't quit, will not quit. I don't need mercy. I built with my wife a home and family where everybody is comfortable and loved, and we will do what we are doing as long as our days or the money hold out.

First, as a feminist I’m always surprised that there are still women out there who expect a man to support them. But I know they’re out there, and I’ve always assumed they were out there looking for men with money or at least ambition to have money. What’s so weird about this article is the author seems like she was unaware she wanted a man to support her when she got married, yet was shocked when her husband couldn’t support a lifestyle that allowed her to work part-time in Manhattan. If I’m going to read an essay about this situation, I want to know how she ended up in the situation in the first place. What on earth was she thinking? How could she have expectations of her marriage that were so vastly different than the life they shared when dating and living so simply? It’s like the women who marry men who don’t want kids and then are shocked a few years later when the man still doesn’t want kids. I simply don't understand it.

Secondly, I’m puzzled by Joan’s defense of this author. I have many friends who are writers and 3 of them have published articles on Salon that received vicious responses in the letters sections. Two of these three friends knew what to expect and took it in stride (in fact one of them has been brutalized twice in the letters section). My other friend was a little shaken by the experience. Not once did I read a letter from Joan defending any of my friends after she published their pieces. Why are some authors in need of protection and others aren’t? I have no idea what Joan’s relationship is to this author but it smacks of favoritism to me, which makes me question what led to the publication of this essay in the first place.